Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year! 2013 PINKY PROMISE!!

This year has been a year of many triumphs, but it also a year that almost killed me!  I cant help but be very excited! There is apprehension as to what this year will bring but I have a feeling it will be awesome!!!  If we all just tried, each day to be awesome, can you imagine the impact it would have?  We are better than okay!! WE ARE TOTALLY AWESOME!  

Sometimes being awesome will be a smile at a stranger, sometimes being awesome will be play tricks in elevators, sometimes being awesome will be laughing out loud!  I think awesome is knowing that oneself is awesome and letting that awesomeness rub off onto someone else.  Be more thankful for each day, each breath we take, each person who brings good into our life.  THAT IS AWESOME! 

 I have had much heartache in my life but over the years, I have weeded that garden and now I can see all the beautiful flowers that have blossomed.  Once the weeds are gone, the garden can flourish!  Weed your gardens, keep the weeds out! Surround yourself with people who appreciate you because THAT IS AWESOME!!  Happy New Year my blogging buddies.  Pinky promise to PLEASE BE AWESOME!!! 

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas!

A friend is like a flower,
a rose to be exact,
Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.
A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.
Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.
A friend is like a heart that goes
strong until the end.
Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend. - By Adrianne S

I have these type of friends.  This Christmas I am forever grateful to wonderful friends who saw the need of my family and just DID IT!  They are the type of friends who observe, THEN SERVE!  They did not have to ask me, what can I do for you?  They just DID IT!  My heart is humbled and warm (is this how the Grinch felt?) as I engage this holiday season.  The last couple of months have been the hardest I have had in about two years.  I have survived being a single mother of 8 kids, and grandmother of two adorable grand kids only because I have tremendous support from friends like the few handful I choose to keep very close to me.  I also have an extraordinary family whom I am thankful for each day.  This Christmas time I have felt the true love of Christ through the work of his angels here on earth.  In the future when my kids are grown, we will talk about how Santa is real.  Santa is alive in all of us! I cannot wait to pay it forward!

Merry Christmas my Friends!!!! 

Friday, December 21, 2012

National Look On The Bright Side Day!

Well since the world did not end (sorry to tell you this but the Mayans just ran out of ink). I am looking at today as a day of renewal.  Why wait for the New Year?  We want goodness and WE WANT IT NOW!!! (did I sound like Veruca Salt?)   It is time for an awakening and this year I have definitely had a very RUDE AWAKENING!  Actually five years ago when my husband left me I had another awakening but I am so over that now....sorry I get side tracked.   ANYWHO!!  Back to awakening.  This year my awakening has been to start taking better care of myself.  I have to be here for my KIDS! I need to remember to schedule my mammograms, yearly women doctor visits etc. (I already do not drink soda anymore which is a HUGE thing for me, 7-11 has lost so much money this last quarter).  The new step of taking care of myself is downright exhausting but in my plight for renewal I have found most things to be quite exhilarating.  I have learned to put on a protective armor against those who choose to be scrooges (just walk away, WALK AWAY).  The old me would tend to internalize everything, and now I let things kind of just bounce (which is easy on my bowl full of jelly)  So there are no more end of the world worries.  Let us all join hands and sing: 

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Come this way!
Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Christmas Day.
Welcome, Welcome
Fah who rah-moose
Welcome, Welcome
Dah who dah-moose
Christmas day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp
Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas
Bring your cheer
Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome all Who's
Far and near
Welcome Christmas, fah who rah-moose
Welcome Christmas, dah who dah-moose
Christmas day will always be
Just so long as we have we
Fah who for-aze
Dah who dor-aze
Welcome Christmas
Bring your light
(Bridge (about 65 sec))
Welcome Christmas
Fah who rah-moose!
Welcome Christmas
Dah who dah-moose!
Welcome Christmas
While we stand
Heart to heart
And hand in hand
Fah who for-aze
Dah who dor-aze
Welcome welcome
Christmas Christmas Day!!!!  or something like that!  LOL.


Wednesday, December 19, 2012


Working each day with insurance companies can sure put the mean bug in anyone.  ME! not usually! So today I need to vent just a little bit about people who are in the line of work to save peoples lives....INSURANCE COMPANIES?   I usually work with professionals from insurance companies.  Mostly other nurses who know their stuff.  I enjoy calling them and I can talk with them on a first name basis.  Heck, I even have some of their numbers on my speed dial.  But today, as I have a cancer patient waiting for a pre-authorization to have a bone marrow transplant the bug hit me and I had to take out my ANGRY EYES!  I do not want to name names of the insurance company but the hint I will give; it is a federally funded, state insurance company.  I do not know this woman and she was obviously frustrated (at me? I do not know why, I was very pleasant for the first 45 minutes waiting for someone to pick up the phone).  I explained that my patient needed this transplant  yesterday (they usually do) and proceeded to tell me that they are still working on November stuff and do no see authorization for at least a couple of weeks.  Biting my tongue I said that he might not have another couple of weeks for which she said, that is not my problem.  WOW!!!  I hope the next time you get cancer that you have someone like you holding your life in your hands!!!!  I asked to speak to a supervisor (waiting another half hour) who told me basically the same thing, except she added....every time you call it wastes our time to talk to you.   OH MY BAD!!!! If you were doing your JOB, I would not have to CALL! (sorry that was my angry eyes).  In the end, my heart is sad because my poor patient will have to have another round of chemotherapy so the cancer does not ravage his body before Christmas.  So I ask you..... BAA-HUM-BUG? 

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Kindness begins with me!

It seems as though we are miles from resolve and have forgotten – at the end of the day we bleed, breathe & hurt the same. Though I am extremely relieved at the outcome, I am also saddened at the careless way in which we treat each other.  I hear people say, good thing I am at work or I would not have been nice to that person.  Do we really need to be paid to be nice to people?  I come from a kind family, yes, they joke around a lot but never in forms of being mean or hurtful.  So why then?  And how do we win? 

Maybe one of the reasons is because we are in a battle with our self.  Are we tired of being nice because we feel ashamed? I look up ashamed in the dictionary;
1. Feeling shame or guilt: Are you ashamed for having lied?
2. Feeling inferior, inadequate, or embarrassed: Ashamed of my torn coat.
3. Reluctant through fear of humiliation or shame: Ashamed to ask for help.

We feel shame when we think poorly of ourselves. Well, that explains that, after all, who want to feel any of that?!!  But here's the problem: That doesn't make those feelings go away.  Usually when we feel bad about ourselves is when we turn those horrible feelings towards others.  When we yell! YOU ARE A FAILURE, are we really saying, I AM A FAILURE! 

Like all other emotional states, you have to "feel it to heal it" but don't let that scare you off.
In my quest to help people be kind here are some questions to ask yourself.  My helpful hint is to write it down.  It has worked wonders for me. 
  • What is it that you feel ashamed about?
  • How old do you feel when you tap into it?
  • What does it remind you of?
  • What old messages come up when you feel this feeling?

This is something I have learned from my son.  He has helped me heal in many ways.  It is time to release it!!!!   I love to write things that have hurt me down and then I BURN IT!!!  It makes me feel so good.  Then it is done and I can move on. 

Now it is time to care, to understand, to have empathy, to accept and encourage.  That is what being kinds i all about.  Celebrate your freedom now!  Be kind to others, make me proud!


Monday, December 3, 2012

Got Google?

When I wait on hold here at work my mind wanders.....If someone came up to me when I was 18 and said google, I would have looked at them very strangely.  But now google is a word used millions of times a day.  In fact, that is what google means a never ending number.  It just goes on and on.  I was on hold for about 15 minutes and these are all the random facts I learned today: 

This is the image I get when I google kalp.  It is true kalp is a part in the heart.  But it is also a radio station in Texas and a Design Center in Arkansas. 

Oh weebles still wobble but they don't fall down.  This is what I remember. 
OOOOOO WWWWWW translates to OOOOOO WWWWWW In Swedish, Malay, and Italian. 

apabila akan akhir dunia and this is what they were saying about December 12th 2012.  (Malay)

But the most important meaning of the word google.  Is when my son says to me every night, "I love you google."  The best word ever!!!! 

oops, gotta go.  I am off hold. 

Thursday, November 29, 2012


I am going to have to put on my angry eyes for this one. I am so glad I packed them today.

I was off work for 40 days.  I have yet to be paid from my short term disability.  Their name is HARTFORD (YES I AM GOING TO BLAST YOU).  Always thinking ahead" is the service mark of the company that calls itself The Hartford.  Many of the policyholders we've heard from would go along with that -- but I am going to argue that what Hartford's always thinking about is how to use those big antlers to gouge me in their hour of need.

I pay for short term disability for emergencies like this.  Granted, I have only had to use it before to have babies. This is the first time I have been sick enough to use it.  You would think that they were a government run agency with all of the red tape one has to go through to get any money out of them.  They have been getting rich of me for far too long.  I am one of those people on the insurance that pays for everyone else's insurance because I rarely use it.  The first three weeks of my leave of absence I was too sick to deal with them.  So this is my fault and the reason why they terminated my claim.  They are not thinking ahead, even though I called them every week after that and faxed information every doctors visit to update then on progress, etc.  My case is still terminated and they have never paid me.  This is the kicker....ready?  They said my case was closed because the doctors information was not on their forms!!!!!  WOW!!!!  So I spent a day making sure my doctor filled out the right forms, and faxed them in.  That was last week.  I called last Wednesday and the person on the phone told me that they had everything they needed and it would take five days.....It has now been seven.  My case is still closed and when I call.....every day like I have been for four weeks now they say they will work on it today.  IHC DO YOU HEAR ME?????  Go with another company !!!  This company obviously does not care about extraordinary service.  Being a single mother of 8 kids,  THIS IS ABSURD and TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!!!! 

I will now step off my soap box.  Angry eyes still intact, but my blood pressure is a little better now. 

Monday, November 26, 2012

Thats what keeps me going!!!

I love people! I love watching people, I love talking to people, and most of all I love play jokes on people.  I try to keep the positive close and the negative away.  But sometimes positive and negative makes a positive....RIGHT?  Not good at math but I know one of the rules say that.  I have been in kind of a grumpy mood today and one of my patients played a joke on me.  I AM DELIGHTED! It made my day and keeps me going. 

What are some other fuels of fulfillment? I have been thinking of this and I know you are bored with this answer but my kids keep me going.  They are so funny and the older I get, the funnier they are.  Sometimes they can be a burden, but they are also my greatest blessing!  As I will explain below. 

I asked one of my colleagues what keeps her going and she said her burdens.  AMAZING! (do you love the people I work with? I do!!) This helped me remember reading something a couple of months ago.  Please forgive me because I cannot remember where I read it (I made a copy of it and put it in my thankful book)

An old grandfather clock had stood through three generations in the parlor of a quaint country home.
A great-great-grandson who inherited the property was looking at the clock one day. Amazed that it had never missed a minute, he wondered how the aging timepiece could function so well with the heavy weight attached to a chain in the center.
Hoping to remove a burden from the cherished heirloom, the boy removed the weight.
The clock stopped.
“Why did you remove my weight?” the clock asked.
“To relieve you of your burden,” he answered.
“Put it back, please. It’s the very thing that keeps me going,” the clock replied.
Well, there you have it. Burdens are the very things that give our lives meaning and purpose.
This year was suppose to be a good year for me.  Looking back, I brought in the New Year sicker than a dog!!! I should have known that was how my year was going to be.  But these burdens are really blessings in disguise. As the clock said, “they are the very things that keep us going.” It all comes back to that attitude.  It’s not what the situation is, but what we think it is that makes the difference in how we respond.

I’m learning to be thankful for the burdens, because they usually contain the key to many lessons in life.
They sharpen my skills, test my spiritual mettle and challenge my mind.
I’m sure the day will come all too quickly when no one needs me to do the job I do, when no one cares about what I think about anything and when I don’t have a reason to get up in the morning. I plan to make every day count until that happens.

By biggest burden, is also my biggest blessing.  Being needed by my children is the best thing that keeps me going.  There are times when I have needed them, and they keep me going.  Don’t take away the “weight” that keeps us going, and don’t take your burdens lightly. 

Friday, November 23, 2012

Keeping it real!

No for real!!! not for fake. 

Five years ago, after my husband left me and my kids I started seeing who my real friends are.  For over 20 years I surrounded myself with people who I thought were my friends and became blind sided when it all really hit the fan.  I was very sad about the people whom I had put my full trust in. They hurt me, (and my kids) bad.  I am sure we have all had people like this. The kind of friends who do not love us, they only know us when they need us.  The kind of friend who leave when you start crying.  Well I want to keep it real with you.  Be careful who you share your weaknesses with. Some people can't wait for the opportunity to use them against you.

My mama bear came out and I grabbed my children and we rallied around each other so we could unite in our family unit.  There is no one I trust more than my own children and my mother.  They were truly the ones who were there when the pain was the hardest.  They are the ones who were there when there was pain, not inflicting the pain. 

For the last five years I have been busy with surrounding myself with true, good, people.  Not poisonous people.  I think that is the reason I was able to heal so quickly (it did not seem like it at the time but I surprised doctors and nurses with how fast I healed).  The friends I have now I would truly die for.  I am so blessed to have them in my life. They are honest and kind.  There are some I talk to every day and some only monthly.  I also have some friends that I do not talk to but I know they are with my in heart and spirit.  I try to live each day to keep their friendship and hope that I can repay all the kindness that helped me  and my kids through my illness. 

Focus on who still stands beside you at the end of it all, not on the ones that walked off and still expect to receive your all.

and dear keepin it real!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Every Day is Thanksgiving!

I am thankful for so many things but I am not thankful just one day a year. I have a blessing notebook and every night before I go to bed I write down at least five things that I am blessed/thankful for.

6/1/07: Thankful to the stranger who came into my hospital room and gave me the most tremendous blessing.  I know this baby will be okay and I know I will recover from this tumor on my back.

7/7/07: Thankful for radiation to get rid of my tumor.

11/1/10: Thankful for a job with insurance. 

10/11/12: Thankful for the very air I breath and that I have the opportunity to get better from this tremendous illness. 

These are just a few of my entries. 

Today I am thankful for my family.  My children (even though they are in the other room playing pull my finger). My mom and dad, and my brothers and sisters.  I am also thankful for the people who are not blood family but who have been with me every step of the way.  I call them sisters.  I have had sisters check on me every day to make sure I and my children are okay.  I have had sisters bring me and my kids food.  I have had sisters who make me beautiful lanyards that sparkle and make me feel so good when I wear them.  I have had sisters who warm my home.  I have had sisters who take care of my kids when I cannot.  I have had sisters to laugh with, sisters to cry with.  Sisters that go to the temple with me.  Sisters that check on me every single day.

Every day is a day of thanksgiving.  The thing is...I do not want to miss one single blessing.  Because if we know our own blessings, we can turn those blessings into gestures of kindness.  Even the simplest act of kindness can reach a wound that only compassion can heal. 


 My kids, grandkids

My sons!

 My oldest daughter and her beautiful family. Love my grandkids.

 My daughters.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Keep the Mo-Jo flowing...

Inspiration, passion and Motivation are difficult things to hold on to. It seems that they always slip away when they are needed the most.  I have always been the type of person to get things done.  I do not like to procrastinate, but even more now than in the past it has been harder and harder to muster the energy, and sometimes I just lose interest.  We have all heard this before, “just do what you love.”
Sounds good? But it seems like lately it has not been enough to keep me going. 

Goals have always been good to keep me focused and help me not get so burned out. I have kept a notebook, I am really good about calenders and writing down important milestones. One thing I have learned is to appreciate the little accomplishments and let myself enjoy the feeling of getting things done.  This is good for me because I need to have a sense of having things finished.

Many people think that inspiration is random. I feel this is a myth. I feel that inspiration is a skill. It may start out unreliable but we can train it to develop into something we can rely on.  I do this by reading.  I love to read. I feel I receive my inspiration through reading.  I have also been inspired by people. The day to day living of people inspires me. I love to people watch, and to see how people react to different situations.  To be inspired I will surround myself with these things.  My kids are also a huge inspiration to me. They are funny! I really enjoy being around them. I have found that my mo-jo does not flow unless my kids are around me. 

I suppose to keep motivated when doing any task we must eliminate unnecessary tasks.  Through much trial and error I have found that multi-tasking only confuses me, I need to stick to one task until that task is done. Taking breaks helps break up the mundane-ness of the task, and finally, if I just can't seem to get over that hump, I seek help from friends and family. 

I know we have heard this before but we NEED MORE SLEEP. Getting enough sleep takes a conscious decision and takes time to develop. I know I need to rest but it is hard to put my mind at ease when there is some much to do.  That is when I get out my journal and write everything down. Before I was married I would lay in bed at night and think about what I would do if there was a fire (thanks dad), then I would have a plan of what to do if there was an earthquake (dad again), and just about every other scenario in my head.  When I got married my husband told me, you cannot get upset over things that you cannot control. It took a couple of weeks, but now....shoot... I fall asleep the minute my head hits the pillow. What is the use of worrying about it all night, I cant do anything about it until morning anyway. I also have a to do list that really helps me prioritize what I need to do. 
ps....I still always have an escape route when I go into any building or even in my house (my dad is a retired firefighter, and YES, we had drills).

I have found the best way to keep my mo-jo flowing is to meditate (not medicate,although that has helped some people, haha).  I try to spend at least 10 minutes a day in a quiet place, away from distractions to breathe, pray and ponder.  This is what has helped me the most.

I will also never let frustration to the point of exhaustion defeat me. I have a dream.  I will hold onto this dream until it gets done. I do this because I am not only wanting to achieve my goals for me, but for my children as well.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I love talking about is really the only thing I know anything about.

I've really got nothing.  I have been reading articles about Scotland, Ireland, anywhere else but here. (not Hawaii), but anywhere else.  I sit down to write tonight and really have nothing to write. My brain has not been challenged enough today.  A year ago, I was writing 100 page dissertation for college and my mind was going, even  in the night time. A year ago, I was so smart, I didn't understand a single word I was saying.  But this year, my brain has gone on vacation.  So all I can really be is myself...mainly because everything else has been taken.  So lets talk about nothing. 

We all know the person who likes to talk just to hear herself talk (this is me right now). Rambling on about nothing important. I have nothing to say but I AM GOING TO SAY IT ANYWAY!!!!  SO.....
think, breathe, relax, and read on!!!!

the end!!! 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

update on foot and leg

Two weeks after pictures were posted, I have update on my foot and leg.  I must say, daily debriding (done by me) and weekly scalpel cutting (from the doctor) has paid off. I fresh baby skin growing that is very tender.  I feel like the princess and the pea, it hurts if I step wrong on dust.  You will see in the pictures that I am still having problems with swelling.  The doctor will not let me go back to work until the swelling gets under control.  Swelling cracks the skin and I cannot have any cracks in my skin.

  This is where the blister was on my leg. Four layers of skin has been taken off this and it looks as good as new.  This feels more like a burn.  I am hoping that it does not scare too bad but at this point, I am just glad I do not have a hole in my leg.  Protein really regrows skin.  I have been amazed at the progress. 
My TOES!!!! I am so happy with the way they have healed.  The redness you see is new skin.  It is very tender and if they swell up it gets very painful.  Hence the reason why I still have a hard time walking.  PAIN!!!  LOL. 
  Don't mind the toenail clippers (my way of debriding, don't tell the doctor).  The skin on the bottom of my foot has been very tender.  A crease in my sock or dust on the floor causes pain.  The redness on the side of my foot was actually dead tissue that we had to scrap off and regrow.   Again, the swelling is not too good but it is better than last week. 

Monday, November 12, 2012

We all need a spiritual uplift.

A word of counsel. A bit of encouragement. A moment of inspiration.  Sometimes a well-chosen thought is all we need to keep us going.  When I am in my darkest, when the pain emotionally and spiritually, even physically seems to intense, I search for good words; words that uplift and help soothe the soul.  My Facebook page timeline is chalk full of these.  I am usually looking for answers for myself but find when I share them and I can relate to other people it helps me feel even better. 

Here are a few that I read daily, just to keep my going:

Be a woman of Christ.  Cherish your esteemed place in the sight of God.  HE NEEDS YOU.  This church needs you.  The world needs you. (I added this one myself, your children need you).  A woman's abiding trust in God and unfailing devotion to things of the Spirit have always been an anchor when the wind and the waves of life are the fiercest.  ---Jeffery R. Holland---

With all the tsunami's that have happened lately I have seen 90 foot waves toss a battleship onto an open shore.  It puts a new meaning to 'the Spirit will always be an anchor in the wind and waves of life'.  Times in my life when waves were more than 150 feet, I have been able to stay anchored in knowing that God cherishes me and that he knows me. 

My 19 year son and I have grand talks about the gospel. I love our talks because his questions are taking him closer to discovering for himself what is true.  He has to find out for himself but I love when he asks me because it helps me as well.  Today his question was why do we have to work so hard? How do I know that His way is the way? After discussing with him the obvious like being tested, needing to have greater faith, I found a talk in the Ensign by none other than Jeffery R. Holland (you can tell I love him). 

"I am convinced that our life here on this earth is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation never was easy.  We are the Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, and he is our great eternal head.  How could we believe it would be easy for us when it was never easy for him? "

I am thankful for personal revelations.   I am thankful for the spirit to guide me so I can guide my children. 


Saturday, November 10, 2012

Protein Power!

In order to regenerate new skin and new cells I have been ordered to eat 180 grams of protein a day.  At first, I was like whoohoo! But I have to have at least 100 grams of that before lunch or I am up all night with heart burn. I have learned this the hard way over the past four weeks.  This, my friends, is a full time job! Protein is a vital component of every cell in the body.  Your hair and nails are mostly made of protein, and in my case, my body uses protein to build and repair tissue.  The body needs large amounts of protein in order for the cells to work because it is not stored, so there is no reservoir to grab from when supplies are low. This is the reason I have to eat 180 grams every day!

Protein is also suppose to help thoughts in the brain by helping cells communicate with your brain better.  This is something I have yet to see.  Now I know that this theory has been tested and may be tried and true but why then do I STILL have to go through my brothers and sisters names when I call my kids? I call my daughter Gwen, her name is Amber, I call my son Stewart, his name is Siosaia.  Come on protein! I have been eating you for four weeks now, does it really take that long to get to my brain? Maybe it is all going to my leg.  I am trying to steer clear of confusion and chaos but it seems that confusion and chaos always seems to find me.  There are a couple of things I have noticed while healing with my foot up.  There are some days when everything hurts, and if it does not hurt, it does not work.  When I wake up, it feels like the morning after.....but I did not go anywhere, and my back has went out more this year than I have!!!  I also went for years with nothing in my medicine cabinet, now there is not enough room.

I have also noticed that scraping my skin off daily no longer hurts as bad as it use to.  It is amazing how your body just succumbs to pain.  Or is that the protein talking and it is really mind over matter? I will show pictures of the final product soon.  Almost brand new!

Thursday, November 8, 2012

I never believed until today.

I love reading my horoscope! I have it sent to my phone daily so I can see if I am on track with my Sagittarius sign. I take it or leave it depending on my mood.  Sometimes I say, I bet you say that to all the Sagittarius signs, but today this one is eerily right on something that has been on my mind since I got sick.  My oldest son does Reiki.  For those of you who do not know Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation but most importantly is used in healing.  He has been telling me since my back went out in July that my body is reacting to certain patterns I have been doing that I have either blocked out and I need to release.  I have always believed in mind, body, energy. I am a certified doula and we use a lot of that in relaxation for birthing mothers.  But again, I can use it on others, it is very hard to do it on myself.  Mostly because I am afraid, because I know it works.  My son has been very patient and has helped me tremendously.  With the help of essential oils and learning to release the past I feel my body reacting positively to this new awareness. 

This is what my horoscope for today:  Sagittarius, November 8th, 2012
There is a certain fear in your life that you wish you could be free of.  This fear has changed you, even though it may only be a smaller fear and it may not come up all that often. Still, in some ways,  it defines you because it limits you.  It haunts you, and it cause you moments when you wish you could be free of it! But you can be free of it, Sagittarius.  This is a day to reach into the past and take command over this and any other fear that isn't allowing you to live the life you want to live.  Face it and refuse to let it rule you any longer! 

Can you believe this? Well I DO!!!! 

Many things have happened in my life that have caused me great pain.  When it is too much to bear, I get on my knees and pray.  I have found that there is no way I can get through a single day without praying. The burdens are too much if I try to handle them all by myself. I have to have the Lord with me every day or I would be crushed by the weight of my own burdens.  Through faith and a whole lot of Reiki, my leg and foot will heal. 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

My Uh-Oh moment!

Being a huge fan of Oprah, (now more Ellen, but Oprah has been around way longer) I love reading and hearing how people have their AHA moments.  But there have been more than a few Uh-Oh moments. It is the moment wherein one realizes that something, somehow, has gone terribly wrong. I have collected a few Uh-Oh moments. I am sure we have all collected a few over the years. I am even more sure that I will be adding more to the list.  When I was younger I would say things before I thought about them. I have learned to be more tactful. But as I get older I have found that body functions do not get past the Uh-Oh moment and I do not know which is more embarrassing.  When my sister was here, I laughed so hard I cried down my leg (I blame that on childbirth).  In 7th grade I had a teacher named Ms. Santi. We made fun of her like crazy, she was old, had hair on her face, grunted, burped and yes farted! (can I say that out loud?)  Being 13 and kids, we had a riot making fun of her. But beware children!!! You turn into the person you make fun of.  About three years ago I woke up to one big hair that had grown on my chin. It was not there the night before. It was a Ms. Santi hair!!!!!  I plucked it and by the next morning it was back!  Just in the last year the other stuff has been happening to! HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE I SAY!  I am not old.  I am 41 years young, this should not be happening! 
Now there is always the occasional Uh-Oh moment when one is at work and accidentally eats someone else's lunch in the fridge (which is why one should never use a grocery sack for a lunch box). How can someone eat another lunch without knowing? Well, on this day my daughter had packed a lunch for me so I did not know what was in it. So when I grabbed my bag out of the fridge at lunch I was impressed by how well she had packed my lunch. The sandwich was so good. I did not even know we had that stuff in our fridge. As I was stuffing the last bite into my mouth, someone said, Who ate my lunch?..........UH-OH!!!! 

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Sometimes life is a bad toothache

I have been thinking again...(usually not a good sign).  But just bear with me for a moment while I recap the days events.  I went to the doctor today, hoping for good news just to find out that I have to be off this foot and leg for another week due to swelling.  I feel so much better but I will not go through this pain again.  It was just too much and next time I am sure I will break in half.  So I am doing what the doctor says and staying off me foot.  So then the usual anxieties come up like...I have not worked for the last month and my income is what this family lives off from so then my blood pressure goes up, stomach starts to hurt, and I worry about everything but my foot and leg.....ANY WHO!!!! Who can get better when there is stress?  It made me think of when I had a toothache.  We all know how horrible a toothache can be.  That kind of pain swallows you head first, cant sleep, eat, or even smile because of the air that will come into your mouth causing even more pain.  To cure a bad toothache all you have to do is go to the dentist, so why don't we? For me it was always because of money.  The dentist only hurts my wallet, and so I sit with a toothache because the wallet could care less, because the wallet is not the one in pain.....Okay, I forgot where I was going with this.  I think in the end we all have bad things happen, but we all need to continue the climb.  When the pain gets bad enough, we go to the dentist, not caring how much it costs, just get rid of the pain. Well in life, as long as we know what we are willing to work for, then that turns into a power that is greater than ourselves and we do it.  So I will listen to the doctor because I want to be around for my kids for a very long time. 

.....and yes I did vote!  

Monday, November 5, 2012

I would have never known.....if it weren't for the movies!

The past couple of weeks, the only thing I have been able to do is put my leg up and read or watch TV.  Since I get bored with TV, I have been watching movies.  I have found some interesting things about movies.  This may even be the reason I would rather pick up a book.  In fact, this IS the reason why I would rather read than watch movies.  Now for people who do not understand my sense of humor.  This is suppose to be funny, so laugh with me people!!

1.  In the movies, everyone wakes up with make-up on ready to talk to the person next to them. 

2.  The ventilation ystem of any building is the perfect place for hiding. No one will ever think to look for you there.  Oh, and you can get to anywhere in the building with no difficulty at all, discreetly, with no one hearing you move back and forth. 

3. You are very likely to survive any battle as long as you don't jinx it by telling someone you have someone waiting for you back home.

4.  All you have to do to pass for someone from a different country is have an English accent.  Even if it is Germany or Italian.  English accent is the key to sucess in the movies. 

5.  A man can have his fingernails removed, punched in the gut gazillion times, be hit in the head with a metal bar without even flinching but when it comes to cleaning the wounds by the heroin they flinch!

6.  If you stay in a haunted house you most definitely always need to investigate any strange sound and you have to do it in your underwear that you happen to have even though your car got ran off the road and you had no idea you were going to end up in this house.  (although, I always carry extra underwear, they are not usually that pretty). 

7.  If there is a large glass will always get broken.

8.  Detectives can only solve a case once they have been suspended from duty. 

9.  If you decide to start dancing on the street.  Everyone automatically knows the moves and dance to the music in their heads....(I tried this in real life and I almost ended up in the loony bin).  hahahaha. 

10.  and last but not least, only in movies can you shoot  a pistol over 20 times without reloading!! 

Whew! I would have never known this if I would not have had the time to be off my feet.  Single mother of eight kids......rarely do I get to watch movies.  Good times, good times. 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Really? Decorating with cabbage?

Reading this morning in a magazine this morning; the title reads "Fresh Living, Table of Plenty".  Trade a glass vase for a head of dramatic purple cabbage!!  What? Why would I trade a glass vase for a head of purple cabbage? Now, I am no decorator and I have to admit the coloring of cabbage is pretty but really?  Come on now! Has it really come to being so wasteful? Do we really have so much in our lives that we want to waste a perfectly good cabbage as decoration? Maybe this magazine is just plain running out of ideas.  The magazine says that these are simple ways to bring abundance to the table.  Wrap lettuce leaves around the cups you are going to use and tie with a string.  Oh my gosh, what if dinner starts late?  You will have a brown slimy thing to hold on to while you drink. (I should try that for Halloween next year).  A room decorated with vibrant vegetables reminds us to be thankful. (it really says this people). I am thankful for vegetables when they decorate my plate and are ready to go into my mouth.  Oh! Here's a good one, it says, make a shallow slit in a radish and slip in a place card. This will set the tone for a lush table. Do simple things really mean the most? It says, for the first time your guests may be more interested in leafy kale and turnips than your pumpkin pie.  bwuahahahahahahahaha!!! Really? All you other people can talk about turnips and kale, I will be eating the pumpkin pie!

Now, if reading this, and you want to decorate you table or house with decaying vegetables I will gladly give you this magazine and you can decorate to your hearts content, I am just saying this is not for me.  I never mean to offend, it is never my intent, so calm down and smile a little. 

Friday, November 2, 2012

My sister and family are here from Indiana!!

"Family is one of God's greatest masterpieces."  George Santayana

The best medicine for being sick is family and my sister and her sweet boy have totally made me grow a new layer of skin!! They take me to my happy place.  I have just noticed that I am writing very late but it is because I have had such a fun day visiting with my sister, my brother, my mother and our kids.  It makes me totally miss my other sister in Michigan but I want to make an extra effort to go see her next year. 

Siblings are natures way of creating a slightly (or very) different version of ourselves. That is why my sides hurt from so much laughing that we did today.  It is healing to be able to laugh, and laugh good.  The funny thing with my family is we laugh so hard we do not make noise.  Our eyes close, our mouths are open and we rock back forth.  Anyone passing by would think that we were all having a strobe light moment but real family knows it is just us, passing out because none of us can breathe.  You know we are really tired when we all start crying, but that is really laughing too.  We know each others triumphs and catastrophes and we are bound together under pack codes and tribal laws. 

Daughter with the knee surgery is doing okay.  It has been harder this time to stay on top of her pain but hopefully as day two comes around the pain with start subsiding.  Oh to be young and be able to bounce back so well. 

I really do not know how people can make it through life without a family.  I am so thankful for mine. 

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Happy November! The month of gratitude!

My daughter had surgery today.  While she was in surgery I had time to sit and think (which sometimes is not a good thing for me).  MOM if you are reading this, I had my foot up.  Anyway, here are my questions that I have asked friends on Facebook, and also the passer's by.  (just a little insight, I love talking to random people, if you have seen me on Facebook, you know what I do no elevators). 

WHY is it that the pharmacy is located at the back of the store?  Why are cigarettes sold right in the front?  The answers I recieved ranged from the pharmacy is in the back to make it harder for people to rob the them of their Oxy-Cotton (thanks Jill), to the pharmacy was not part of the stores design in the beginning and had to add it to the back.  After conversing with my mother, we came to the conclusion that it is a marketing for the store.  You have to go through at least three rows of merchandise before the pharmacy and you will definatly buy something that you did not go for.  The answer for cigarettes in the front of the store? Lung capacity. Smokers simply cannot walk to the back of the store, they would become short of breath (thanks Cathy).  I think it is because cigarettes cost so much that people are scrounging pennies just to afford a pack and they only have one thing on their mind and that is to buy a box of cigarettes. 

Today I am thankful that I am well enough to take care of my 12 year old daughter who had surgery to repair knock knees.  I have learned that I need to take care of myself better. I am the only mother these kids have, I do not ever want to jeporadize that.  I love them too much. 

As for talking to random people on the street.  I found out today that it is better to be waved to with all fingers instead of just one. 

I am grateful to this blog for helping me think out loud. 

Wednesday, October 31, 2012


My favorite time of year.  Usually, when I am not wrapped from knee to foot, I plan on dressing up, but this year, I will play the part of a patient.  LOL.  Always for the kids.  I love doing fun things for my kids.  I was much funner when my older four were young.  Now my older kids make sure the younger kids have fun.  I thank them for that. 

Passing out candy tonight took its toll on my leg and foot.  Next year will be much better.  My older kids took the younger kids trick or treating so it was me for a little while.  The good thing about having many children.  Bella came just in time to give treats to the nations.  I mean nations.  We went through 8 bags of candy and started giving out pencils.  Its 9:00 at night and we are about to hand out water and air. 

I am glad that everyone is home and safe. 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Today....10/30/12 on the mend

 I had not seen my leg for a week. 

 Brand new baby skin! and I almost have an ankle! CELEBRATE!!

 Old and new skin! and I can tell it is a foot, not just a blob of infection. 

The week after...

 this is the side of my foot.  You can see the old skin and the new skin.

 The orange stuff is a medicine to help new skin growth

De-glove day/surg

 Whirlwind of pain mixed with emotion.  I will let you know later what this released in me. 

Day 10 to De-glove day

 I was sent to the ER on this day. Started on antibiotics again and will follow up tomorrow in the wound clinic. 

Day 6-10

 This day I thought to better go in. But then I second guessed myself and waited a couple more days.  WHAT?