WOMB FOR RENT!

Has it really been so long since I have written that I forgot my log in information??? My fellow followers I apologize to all 8 of you! hahahaha. My goal for the new year is to get 9 followers! So tell a friend. Share my blog... WARNING: Some of you might find this post kind of crude but while me and my friend were discussing it, I actually laughed out loud. And I know secretly....you all will too. I have said it before and I will say it again but I have some pretty amazing friends. The friends I have inspire me, they uplift me, AND....they make me snort! On one such occasion I was talking about ways to make extra money. Everyone said, "GO TO SCHOOL" the only way to succeed in life...well...been there, did that...still working at the same job.. Believe me....It is not without trying. According to my resume tracker, I applied for 187 jobs in 2013. Whew...no wonder I am tired. No WONDER I AM IN A FUNK!! Any who...(see how I get off track?) Back to my womb! My friends are very talented, some take pictures, some make beautiful jewelry, some cut hair, some create kitchens (and build them themselves) but me? The only talent I have is making babies! I procreate well. My eggs are cracking and my uterus is as healthy as a 20 year old(or so my midwives tell me). Why don’t I rent out my womb? I would love to bring a child to couples who cannot have a child. What a way to earn extra money right? Well, then I snap back to reality. YOU ARE 43??? Don’t quit your day job? Let’s brainstorm! Other options? Things I have already done (and still do). The last type test I did I typed 123 WPM. I can type! But then I remember my hands fall asleep and they become very painful when I type all the time. Next? Cans, save aluminum cans! We do that already (saving for a San Diego trip). Donate blood? well yes, I do that too. Garage sale? did and will do again. The womb is sounding better and better right? I guess I am resolved to put that gel manicure set I have been wanting on layaway. Thank heavens for K-Mart!

Single Womans Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, (can I get an amen!) One who's handsome, smart and strong, (yes all three) One who loves to listen long, (without falling asleep) One who thinks before he speaks, (but still has his tongue) One who'll call, not wait for weeks I pray he's gainfully employed, (or has a ton of money) When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. (...and feet) Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind, (and more) Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. (I have cute friends) And as I pray beside my bed, Please don's send me the clown that I once had. (he really was a great guy) LOL.

Confidence!

The hardest part in life is one's twenties.  Its a shame because that is when we are the most gorgeous, and physically peak condition. But its actually when we were the most insecure and full of self-doubt. Says who?  I know plenty of 20 year old's (my daughters included) who have not been afraid to hit the ball with boldness.  My daughter wakes up every morning and says to everyone who can hear her, "I'm young as morning and fresh as dew, everybody loves me and so do you!".  Life takes perseverance but when we were twenty the future was endless, full of fascinating possibilities.

When I was in my 20's I was busy having babies.  I had four by the time I was 23. My future was to raise the future.  I was very insecure in my 20's but I had created my own cheering squad; my kids actually charted my course to success.  I grew up with my kids and they have taught me many things; how to swear is among them, but not the one we will talk about today.  They have helped me find my inner light and now I am letting it shine.  I seen myself how my kids seen me....flaws and all...and guess what?? They still love me! 

One of the hardest things for me to learn about confidence is learning to take a compliment.  I have relished in criticism.  When someone would tell me I could not do something, you can bet your bottom dollar that I loved proving them wrong and criticism is easier to take because most of the time, I agreed with them.  But when I do something good and someone takes time to stop and tell me I did a good job, or that my hair looks nice (after not even washing it that day...always happens) then I am going to be fair enough to them to say, "Thank you! that really means so much to me and it means a lot."  

I am going to share some self esteem boosters that I have learned over the years with what I will call my confidence kit: 

• Sit up straight!  Good posture suggests confidence.  We all know this...RIGHT?  No way can we show confidence if we are acting like Eeyore. 
• Smell good. (this includes bathing).  You do not have to bathe in perfume but when I am not feeling myself I will sniff my wrist, the scent gives me confidence.  Anyway, even if I am butt ugly someone will always say...mmmmm you smell good! 
• Nod when you are speaking with people.  To verify....nod in agreement, DO NOT nod asleep.  LOL.  You can even nod in disagreement but it shows you are listening and shows confidence. 
• Do an occasional fist pump! This is fun when done in a group, but when someone does something good at work or at play, a good fist pump gives you the confidence to face the world. 
• Breathe! This can be said about so many things but when we mindfully meditate it will increase our self-acceptance. 
• This last one is my favorite...Strike a pose! Picture yourself with torpedo busts like Wonder Woman, Stick them out and let your cape fly!  It works wonders!  (this can also be used with fist pump for an extra boost). 

My team: (fist pump)  JOB WELL DONE! 

What you know....can kill you!

When does knowing a fact turn into something that "you are not supposed to know?"  Usually when a fact becomes embarrassing or upsetting to the person who also knows that fact.  I know many facts about many people, so I am surprised that they do not treat me nicer cause I could really do some damage. (LOL) But alas, I am a better person so I will just tell you some facts that I know that are more senseless, but nevertheless, if I come up missing YOU WILL KNOW WHY!!! 

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! Not for the non risk takers. 

Two Atomic Bombs were dropped on North Carolina:  At least it wasn't the moon....right?   I obtain my information from author Russ Kick, from a book called "Things You Are Not Supposed To Know".  Very entertaining read when living on the edge.  Okay, back on subject.  On January 24th, 1961, about half past midnight, A B-52 with two nukes was over the skies of North Carolina exploded killing three crewmen. The bombs were 250 times more powerful than the one dropped on Hiroshima fell to the earth....luckily neither of them exploded BUT.  A half of a bomb is still in the swamps, never been retrieved. 

The U.S. runs a network of at least 20 secret prisons.....and if I told you where they were, I would really be shot!  Just know that they are all over the world. 

NOW on a lighter note: 

Here are some facts that you can know and are good to know so it WON'T kill you.  (can't have my readers having bad dreams now can I?)

We are going to talk about Beer right now... so if you get offended easily I suggest you just skip to the bottom.  I only know these facts because I talk to random people who served ramen noodles at their wedding receptions, the kind who actually know what kind of leaves to use as toilet paper?  You know the kine? (in my pigeon accent).  I am not a beer drinker, never had it, probably never will but these are good things to know to keep your mind off the above. 

Zythology (zith-owl-oh-gee).  The study of beer and beer making, including the role particular ingredients play in the brewing process. 

The first professional brewers were all women. 

HOPS uses in beer are in the same family of flowering plants as marijuana. 

Beer contains almost all of the minerals we need to survive, in fact, it was a staple of many diets during the European Middle Ages. 

A study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that beer raises HDL cholesterol (the good kind). 

BEER PREVENTS KIDNEY STONES!!!  A study published in the American Journal of epidemiology found that beer consumption reduced the risk of kidney stones by 40%.  AND it strengthens your bones by protecting the bone-mineral density of the bone tissue. 

Cenosillicaphobia:  The fear of an empty beer glass. 

Do you feel better now?  Cause I sure do.  I cannot keep a secret..the reason why I was kicked out of the CIA.  LOL.   

Is there really something to say about an itchy palm?

My grandfather always said whenever I itched my palm that money was coming my way.  I would always think to myself, GOOD cause I need some money to buy some lotion for my itchy palm!  My children are Polynesian, my oldest is 26, so needless to say I have been around the Polynesian community for a good many years.  My mother-in-law, (whom I love dearly and wish she were still with me) always had some Tongan way of making things better.  When I was in nursing school in my early 20's I found out that modern medicine is nice but relying on something that has been passed down from generation to generation so much more reliable.  My number four child was born premature and had underdeveloped lungs.  My mother in law would rub Tongan oil on his back every night those first couple of weeks and his oxygen saturation's went up!  He did not have to be on the horrible prednisone for as long as anticipated.  When my kids would have eye infections, she would tell me to squirt breast milk in their eyes, IT WORKED!  (ps...breast milk is good on small scrapes and bruises as well)  Just saying.  

But what are some other things we have heard? 

• I have heard that the reason we say bless you is because we sneeze because the devil is tickling our nose so we will inhale when we sneeze. 
• We are to make a wish on the first Robin of spring, if it flies away before you end your wish will come true. 
• The number 13 is just unlucky.  PERIOD!
• No bruising your hair and looking in the mirror at the same time, it calls out the Lady in the Mirror (ooh scared myself right there). 

All fun and games and I am sure I will remember a bucket load more as soon as I finish writing this.  All fun and joking aside, here are some signs and signals that your body tells you when it is time to go the doctor:  (information below can be found in an Article written by Dr. Mark Williams, dermatology written April 13, 2013 www.healthyyou.gov)

Tongue:  Red and beefy looking , sometimes it is a subtle change but it is noticeable.  It is a sign that your vitamin B12 is low.  Vitamin B12 is essential for carrying oxygen throughout your body, if we do not have oxygen throughout our body it affects our brain.

Yellow:  Hands, elbows, feet. 

The appearance of soft, yellowish bumps (called xanthomas) on your body—particularly on your elbows, knees, hands, and feet—can indicate dangerously high cholesterol levels, which increase your risk for cardiovascular problems including heart disease and stroke. These growths, which are painless and can range from very small to wider than three inches, are actually fat deposits that build up under the skin, often when an excess amount of lipids. 

Also yellow eyes could mean there is something wrong with your liver (if you are not a chronic smoker). Chronic smokers have yellow, teeth, eyes, and nails. 

Black: Neck, armpits and groin

Dark, velvety patches found in your armpits and on your neck and groin are likely acanthosis nigricans.  This slow-developing skin condition, which is more common in overweight and obese adults, can be a sign of type 2 diabetes.  It sends skin cells into overdrive, increasing skin thickness and darkening pigment. 

Brown: skin and nails.

We all know that we need to check for brown or black skin mole but do not forget to look under your nails as well.  2 to 3 percent of melanomas are found under the fingernails. 

Listen to yourselves my fine peeps! Your body knows, you just have to listen! And remember....what ever you say about someones else's children....will happen to yours!  (just another saying I heard growing up). 

 

The joy of understanding men....

Do we ever know what men are really thinking?  I gave up caring, I am having a hard enough time understanding my own thinking to usually worry about this but I was talking with a fellow doctor today (for almost two hours) on this subject and I have been intrigued ( I will not mention his name due to the fact that he told me if I did he would fire me, but he has a full head of hair and he is a guy, that is enough for me).  I am writing it here before I forget what I have learned and hopefully to help someone who really does care to try to understand men.  Women, if you are married this will be a good conversation starter and the other half of women are not married, this will be a good conversation starter.  LOL. 

The doctor who should not be named said the first thing about understanding men, is to quit trying to understand them.  He said women are over sensitive sometimes and men are not.  Men....usually are not thinking to hard about anything at all. 

EXAMPLES: 
When men say, "I love you" and it starts to sound like a robot.  It does not mean that they do not love you.  It just means you love a robot!  hahahahah JK.  If you do happen to get a man who puts emphasise on the words "I love you", then hold him close, and never let him go. 

Men are happy to go shopping but do not expect them to get anything other than what is on the list.  If there is a sale on fingernail polish (my favorite thing) he will not get it for you unless it is on the list.  Too much thinking is involved in this process.  It just wont happen. 

Men like being told that they look good on the way out the door before a dinner party just as much as any woman does—even if they are t-shirt and flip flops.  Men also will need to be told if they smell bad and that they should go do something about it because as our doctor who cannot be mentioned said, "knowing we smell bad doesn't necessarily trigger a need in us not to smell bad." So just tell us to go take a shower and then hide the outfit and say we must've lost it. We'll believe you.

 

The only time you will see a man walking fast is if he notices that another man walks by him very fast.  The doctor who said he cannot be named states that this happens to him frequently in the airport.  He does not know why he does it, he even left his wife behind with all the luggage so he could win a guy that was going to a different gate.  Primal instinct?  He does not know.  He asks that we (as women) just let it go!!!

Take any random afternoon. Men are glaring. Men are frowning. Men have been silent for two hours. It does not mean they have stopped loving you. They are just driving the car or wondering why someone we report to hates us or missing Ziggy Marley in concert, or wondering what I ate for breakfast that morning.  Iit's not about is (women). They love us. And they will not tell us why they are so unhappy-looking just now because they are embarrassed about it, and now that you've asked twice, the truth is they can't remember, and they are not going to admit that, either.  

 

I know some of you women want me to ask this, what is men's secret turn on?    Well I DID NOT ASK THAT!  Get a grip people, I work with this guy!  Ask you own men that question. 

 

Men truly think that being silent helps, this is why....

"Because if we're not talking, we can't say something critical or annoying. We will never understand that being silent can seem critical or annoying. Because we are not talking!"    hhahahahaha I thought that was sooo funny! 

SALVE. remedy?

I am a huge fan of reading magazines.  I like to read for fun.  It took me a good two months after I finished school before I quit taking notes on everything I read (CONFESSION:  I still do take notes.....ARGH!).  I came across an article about SALVE.  I cannot remember if it was Rachael Raye or Oprah but one of those magazines. The reason why I stopped because the headline read Love + Kindness= thinner thighs.  I am like......ya right.....right?  I am going to use ideas from this article.....although I cannot remember exactly how it went.  The article just got my thought process going.  I will add my own thoughts (which is a very scary thing)  LOL.  Enter at your own risk.....

Happy people are as unique and beautiful as snowflakes, while unhappy people are tediously, monotonously, excruciatingly the same.  Which is why I am not a psychologist.  Unhappy people drive ME crazy!  LOL.  Most unhappy people need to learn just one lesson: how to see themselves through the lens of genuine compassion and treat themselves accordingly. So does that make all unhappy?  We are our own hardest critic.  I am not asking us to become narcissists.  I am asking you to give yourself the acceptance, love, and esteem you'd give your best friend. They used the term SALVE: self-acceptance, love, value, esteem. No matter what problem you're facing, from a dreary commute to the end of your marriage, a little SALVE never hurts, and it almost always helps.

 

Shall we try it?  Here is what we have to do!!! 

We all know that being accepted unconditionally feels wonderful, while being hated, rejected, and shamed is devastating.  So WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?  If you won't apply SALVE for your own sake, at least do it for others'. Believing that you're not doing enough, that you need to work harder, often comes from a desire to give more to others: You "sacrifice" yourself out of love. But your nearest and dearest won't feel this love; they'll feel what you feel about yourself. This strange truth seems to have something to do with mirror neurons, brain cells that play a role in our ability to share other people's emotions. It takes the Golden Rule to a whole new level: Feel about yourself what you would have others feel about themselves. Once we have self acceptance, the weight starts coming off, we will get hired for that job we want and people want to be around us.  Learning to apply SALVE aligns you with truth: the truth that heals, the truth that enriches the world, the truth that finally lets you be uniquely, perfectly you.

 

Rabbit the Cup! (and other inspirational crazy thoughts)

This blog is brought to you today by the crazy things my kids say.  The crazy things they ask, and the the crazy responses I sometimes get from them when I ask them a question.  If I have any advice to give it is to write down what your children say.  I would have books and books by now and be filthy rich!  LOL.  One thing I remember is my number four child (he is now 20) use to ask for chocolate milk by saying, 'can I have rabbit the cup?'.  Because of the Nestle Quick rabbit on the front of the carton. 
Here are the other ones I can remember.  I cannot remember exactly which one of my 8 kids asked me these so not sure who to give the credit to.  I just warn you...wait until this ride comes to a complete STOP.  Keep hands and legs inside at ALL TIMES.  HOLD ON AND HAVE FUN!

Why doesn't McDonald's sell hot dogs?
What is Satan's last name? (my five year old asked me this just last week).  My answer?  ask me!
Are people buried with their braces on?
How far East to you go before you start heading West?  (this is from my 11 year old)
Grape flavor smells nothing like grapes.....(from my 8 year old...a very good observation I might add)
When does partly cloudy become partly sunny?
Why do we say skate on thin ice?  I answered, why to you always get in hot water?
Why do you say beans, beans the magical fruit?  Beans are a vegetable (again my 11 year old)
How can laughter be the best medicine when people die laughing?
Why do prison buses have emergency exits (this is my 8 year old, I have to watch out for him).
How do you hand cuff a one armed man? (again my 8 year old)

There are so many more, but the one that takes the cake is the one from my 5 year old who asked me just last night....
Am I healthy enough for sexual activity? 

Me and my BIG MOUTH!

You think that with my age, wisdom would generally come with that?  NOPE, not ME!  It seems my mouth and mind are becoming a free flowing river as I get older.  I use to care about peoples feelings and stop myself from saying things but now I just say it (and generally suffer the consequence) Sorry in advance to all my friends.  I blame it on my throat chakra and my son giving me a beautiful pendant that is suppose to help me open my throat chakra.  Or maybe it has happened even before that, who knows?  Sometimes I tell myself, don't open your mouth unless you have something to bite down on, but since food is not my friend anymore, all I get is air......

Some examples: 

• Oh, I love to sing Karaoke!  I end up singing for our work Christmas Party (and if you have a video of this, I WILL HURT YOU IF YOU POST IT). 
• YES! I was in drill team!  I end up doing a drill team routine for  a patient!  Now in my defense, I was trying to make my patient happy, and made her laugh hysterically at my expense.  Next time I will use two ears and listen, instead of my one mouth.  LOL. 
• I like my patients to feel at ease and sometimes when I walk in I do not think and say...Relax, I 'm easy.........um!!!!! NOT!!!!  but of course the air is not heavy enough to shut my mouth before it opens. 
• The last example that you can all laugh at me for....is one that I am not proud of and I went redder than red and even to this day, when I think of it, I go RED.  I was getting onto an elevator and the guy asked me if I was going down.  I said, "I love going down".........complete silence.  I did not talk for the rest of the day!!!!!!!!  

The best therapy for helping my open mouth chakra is to hum, sing, chant, and sometimes scream.  So if you see me doing any of these......YOU WILL KNOW WHY!   LOL. 

Dating made easy? Ya Right!

I am slowly getting back into single life, scary as that is to me. There is actually great cause to be scared!  Let’s face it…dating isn’t easy.  I have only been on a few online dating sites and it is down right scary.  Who has the time for all this?  Updating my profile took me days, now I have emails to return, setting up dates, going on dates, and not getting a returned call and so forth.  I have not dated for 27 years, so what do I know??  Absolutely nothing!!!  But...I do know a couple of things: 

MEN: 
When you submit your picture to an online dating site please make sure you;

• 1. Have your shirt on (especially if your are over 40).
• 2. Do not take your picture at Walmart
• 3. Picture should be while you are awake.....and sober. 
• 4. A picture of you and your ex wife or ex girlfriend does not spark any interest (tells me you are not over her)
• 5.There will be more of these I am sure. 

When you email me. PLEASE DO NOT START OFF with, do you want a quickie?  Bad form, bad form!  Call me old fashion but I prefer to save quickies for marriage. LOL! 
The next thing I would ask is please do not try to tell me your sob story.  I am not your psychiatrist, I am not here to feel sorry for you or take care of you. I want to have FUN!

Now I have to be fair and let the women know a thing or two as well.  Again! I am no expert, but I have learned a thing or two....

• 1.  Never, ever cry over a boy!!!!  I mean it! (this was very hard for me, with my ex....but we were together way long).  They aren’t worth it. Sure, there are some jerks out there. Don’t give them your power by allowing yourself to feel bad. My advice? Get mad. Start standing up for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be treated badly. I believe that we train people how to treat us. If you can work on your assertiveness and confidence, you will find a relationship with someone who respects you. Until then, it will just be the same guy with a different name.
• 2.  Keep things mysterious! This has been fun for me so far.  This is a big one. We all have baggage. Over the course of a relationship, your significant other will learn more about you. Until that point, don’t over share. This is a common mistake women make. Especially when we feel insecure, we tell people way too much about us. Because we share so much about our thoughts and emotions with each other, we tend to do this too much with men in the beginning. I am all for being open and honest in a relationship, but give the relationship a chance to progress before you open up too much. This especially applies to telling a man how you feel about him. If you have been dating for two weeks and think he might be the one, for the love, don’t tell him. Although, if after two weeks you do start fantasizing about marriage and children, we need to talk. Slow yourself down and find a distraction. There is no way you know enough about him that quickly to make a lifelong commitment. If that is where your mind is, you are missing some key data. 
• 3.  Only give 20%:  This sounds harsh, but it is true. The feminists are going to hate me on this one, but I think “I am woman, hear me roar” has done us a disservice in the dating department. Think about it in mathematical terms, if you put in 100% effort, how much is left for him to give? Honestly, when it comes to dating, less is more. The less effort you put in, the more he has to come forward. This becomes diagnostic of how invested he is in you. If he doesn’t come forward, run, do not walk. If he is putting so little effort into your dating relationship, what will happen once he gets comfortable? Make him come to you. 
• 4.  Do not call unless you are returning a call and do not text immediately.  You are busy....important....(this one is from my 21 year old daughter, thanks Ana).  This is the hardest one for me because email and text comes directly to my phone.  It has been fun to sit and think about the text or the email.  Which wraps all the above into one little package of FUN!

Meanwhile, we are not getting any younger....so ladies!!!! It is time to LIVE!

Sit back and say ahhh...

Whatever you are worrying about, or stressing about right now (or worrying about stressing over), put it on the back burner while I try to explain to you about the beauty of now.  Yes life is stressful,  sometimes life is downright horrible but I have learned something lately and that is to find peace in the beauty of being, and the beauty of now. 

I have had a blessed day off work today and as I woke up on my own alarm clock, (with the sun), I heard the most joyous sound....my children laughing.  Somehow, that cheer ran through me, and I realized in that moment that this is it! This is really what it every is! and I will love every moment of it.  There are times when life is dark and gloomy, and even down right scary.  But the moment we have every day is NOW. 

So how do we stop the stressing and focus on the now?  That is a good question that I have to remind myself of daily.  Here are my reminders: 

• Create a saner to do list
• Today go with the flow, do not let the little things bother you.
• Find inner peace by breathing, thinking green ( I do this one alot), flex your feet, relax your face, take a break. 
• Find a nice place to breathe (mine is usually the bathroom) 
• Find the joke in the stress and laugh, laugh, laugh.
• Music, calming, good music. 

Remember when your body is stressed your brain strains, you have memory loss, your stomach gets upset, it is bad for your heart, and (I know this from school) you can even have fertility problems. 

Every day try to exercise your soul.  Sometimes to do this you have to serve others.  It does my soul good to serve others.  It is so hard to find the time to serve (which can sometimes cause stress) but I tell myself that serving can be as simple as smiling and saying hello to someone. 

I have found though that my childrens laughter and having fun with my children is the best thing for me. I have been blessed with so much and I will take every moment I can get! 

Time to laugh!!!  Fun with my kids.  

SOAP BOX TIME!! IGNORANCE!!!!

I sitting in a conference, full of doctors and nurses and this is what I hear........It is a sad day for the white man in America.  The government is giving my hard earned money to minorities and to women!  He was not addressing the group (THANK HEAVENS) he was sitting in front of me, talking to a group of....Women!!!!   Not one of them said anything, feeling the need to act overwhelmed me and I lost all willingness to be nice!  I put in my angry eyes and tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'Excuse me, I could not help but overhear your ignorance.  I think it is a sad day in America when a white man still has such delusional ideas.  You SIR are a bigot, and I pity you, I am embarrassed for you and hope that you never break down in my neighborhood which is predominately women.....and minorities.  We will be the one's offering you a ride, we will be the ones digging you out of the snow.  And SIR, I am a women and I pay taxes....plenty of them!  No man pays my taxes for me. It is me!
.......WAITING FOR APPLAUSE!!!!!  NOPE! I got crickets!!!  The women around me all turned their heads....I got up and walked out.  Sorry my Mormon friends but WHAT THE HELL?????  

As I was leaving one women did get up and follow me.  She explained to me that the reason she did not say anything is because she works with this man.......AND????   It does not make it right? Maybe the reason why this man still is so dumb is because no one has ever taught him otherwise.  When someone is born into wealth, poverty is not taught.  This man fits the typical model of wealth, he probably came from old money so he has never had to make the connections, so he assumes.  Hence the reason why I feels sorry for him.  I can not even begin to think of what driving force has been ingrained into this mans head.  For the wealthy, especially those from old money, decisions are based on tradition and social connections.  They already have security.  I find this sad.  My life have brought character, my life of heartbreak and pain has made me the person I am today.  It made the person who would stand up to the WHITE AMERICAN MAN!    


off my soapbox.....feeling much better.  Thank you,

WHAT AM I CHASING?

The last three or so nights I have had this re-occurring dream that I am chasing something.  I do not know what it is that I am chasing but bad things happen to me and my kids while I am looking for......who knows!?   The second night I had the dream, I was with my kids and I saw something that made me angry (again....have no idea what it was) I just felt the anger.  I all the sudden zoomed up on a person (no face) and started punching it (I'm a lover not a fighter so I would never do this in real life) but my arm felt like lead and I could not hit whoever this was hard enough. But I look over and my oldest daughter is knocking people out left and right.  (My hero).  I woke up in a sweat, very frustrated and somewhat angry.  But why?  Last night I had the exact same dream with the exact same feelings but instead of hitting someone this time, the person without a face was saying things that hurt my feelings.  I woke up very angry, so angry I could not go back to sleep.  As I ponder on this dream during the day it does not seem like it is a big deal at all.  In fact, it sounds down right stupid.  I  have learned long ago that, 'I am rubber and you are glue what you say bounces off me and sticks on you.'  I have developed a very tough skin (elephant like) to block me from the vindictive talk that destroys peoples souls!  The part I do not like about all of this is the fact that I still do not know what I am chasing, I hate the way I feel when I wake up, and I am kind of needing a good nights sleep!!!  So I bring in the people who are important to me.  The people I have surrounded myself with to hold me up (I bet your arms are tired)! My one friend says I need to drink at night before bed (thanks Lisa)! Sounds great but I do not drink (sometimes I do, but that's another blog).  My other friend said, something is holding you back from letting your anger out.  How smart are my friends???  THANKS TRACY!.  So then she helps me continue to brainstorm...what helps her is to walk her dog.  Her mother sews and quilts.  Well, the only thing that helps me is writing... SO HERE I AM!!!  I am hoping that by writing my dreams, they will quit! I did talk to my friend Lisa about wanting more out of life and maybe this dream is telling me to stop chasing stupid and get on with life (my friends and kids know who/what stupid is).  LOL.  I do want bigger and better things for me and my kids and that is not stupid so I will continue to chase that for the long run.  Going the distance for my children. 

Universe, YOU DID IT AGAIN!

I am totally amazed at how the Universe works!.  I learned many years ago that if you just put something out there, into the Universe that amazing results happen.  It may take a while (I am still waiting for my ten million), but it can happen.  The Universe works for me in the way of finding people.  Today marked about the seventh time that this has happened to me.  I will usually attempt to try and find that person, and if I run into a dead end, I will write their name on a piece of paper and put it in my purse.  Every so often, when I see the name, I will think of them again.  

Back when I was 16 and pregnant, I was in a program called Teen Mom.  It was up at the University of Utah, and I have to say that this program was the changing point of my life (so was having a baby at 16).  But these women did not judge me, they just had genuine love and cared for me.  I went back to them again at 18 when I had my second child.  When I had my third and fourth child I seen one of the pediatricians in their own private office until my kids got very old.  It was a very long, wonderful friendship.  I had been thinking of this certain doctor since I graduated college.  I wanted to give back to the Teen Mom program, so I called up there and asked for the doctors in charge. I left my name and number many times to no avail.  No one would ever take me serious enough to call me back.

TODAY........I generally get a ride to work every day by my daughter.  Something I really love because I hate to park and I love the talks we  have together every morning when we are together.  Today, I have a meeting at another hospital so I had to drive.  Even when I got out of bed this morning, I had this urgency to hurry up.  Even though I tried to suppress it, I ended up being ready early.  My other daughter was leaving for school so I told her I would take her (it is 9 degrees outside people....freezing).  Anyway, this is something else that I generally do not do.  I seemed to hit every green light (which never happens).  When I got to work I decided to take the elevator ( I generally take the stairs) but my foot was hurting so I took the elevator.  As soon as I got off the elevator I run into my life long friend!!! The doctor I have been thinking about, who made such an impact in my life! I immediately gave her the biggest hug.....I think she thought she was being mugged.  LOL.  But then she realized who I was and we were able to have the best talk in 25 years! This woman is amazing and I really do think that her example helped paved me into the person I am today (besides my mother).  So driving myself to work, taking my daughter to school, being ready earlier than normal, taking the elevator instead of the stairs, all lead up to this meeting.  Thank you UNIVERSE! You are AMAZING!!!  And thank you, Dr. Kathleen Mcelligot for being such an inspiration to me!

Hello, My name is Roxanne and I'm a momaholic!

The first step is admitting it....right?   When I started having kids at the age of 16 it never occurred to me, that #1 I would have lived this long, and #2 how much fun it would be!  Being so young, I have kind of grown up with my kids.  I had my first four by the time I was 23 and then waited a while and had another four in my 30's.  There is such a difference between how I raised my older four, compared to my young four.  The older four had strict rules, there was never a gray area, it was only black and white, right or wrong! They were so well behaved, took care of their toys and had clean rooms (well.....most of them).  The younger four have been more of a democracy.  We work together to set the rules, they have their input on ideas as pertaining to our home.  There is so many gray areas because I am more relaxed and have learned to pick and choose my battles.  I ask myself, will this matter next week?  If not, I usually them hash it.  Could it be due to the fact that I am older, more tired?  I say yes!  I went through nursing school and worked full time with my older four but always the energy.  Now, I finished college last year, while working full time, and raising these kids (with tons of help from my mom and older kids) but I am more tired now than when I went to school.  Now I only work!!!!  Anyway, I am moving away from my point. 

The point I want to make is even with both sets of kids (older and younger).....I TOTALLY LOVE BEING WITH MY KIDS! I miss them terribly when I am at work and look forward to the end of the day.  Even if we are just hanging out at home (which we have done a lot lately because it has been -0 degrees).  I LOVE MY KIDS! They make me laugh, they make me cry and I am totally addicted to them.  Is that so bad?  Out of all the addictions to have, this one is the safest for sure.  People say I will lose friends, well then, so be it!  If they are truly my friends then they will wait for me.  I have many who will and who help me be the best mom I can be.  I only surround myself with friends like this.  No use wasting time on anything else. As I write this blog I am looking at notes my boys left me.  I have them hanging up at work.  From my 5-year old, You are very sweet, I love you will all my heart, I hope we will never part!! (ADORABLE).  My 11 year old says, I LOVE YOU.  Thank you for everything.  You are an amazing mom.  Just holler when you need a hug (GASP, SOB).  My 8 year old writes, You are the grass and I am the tree because I am growing with you always.  (PRECIOUS). 

My   I coworker today asked who my Valentine is and I have to say....its my kids!   Another coworker says, what is your hobby?  My kids are my hobby.  They always will be.   The best thing about kids is they grow up and give you grand kids! Which by the way is my next confession.  My name is Roxanne and I am a mambaholic!!!!  Thanks for getting me through the roughest part of my life. 

Can I help you?

Experience has convinced me that life's patches of hell may actually be purposeful, and in the end, down right empowering. 

I know we have all said things like, 'What is happening to me?' or 'what have I done to deserve this?', (I for one, never say that later, for fear of asking God this question and I do not want God to answer, LOL).  When the road of life turns into a roller coaster, it is time to STOP, throw it in reverse and find another fork in the road. 

Now I am no expert and I feel like I am always in a never ending whirlwind of....what was that?  I know we have all had them, they usually come in three's, but in my case, it is a series of google....LOL.  There was one time not to long ago (maybe 5 years ago) that I was 7 months pregnant, found out I had a tumor on my back, my husband left me, and my oldest daughter decided to get married (she married a wonderful guy, he will be a whole other blog, but a good blog, totally love that guy).  It was like one of those movies when you hear the audience, first cheer, then boo, then cheer, then boo.......(ya... like that). 

Oprah tells us that, 'according to the probability theory, random events can happen in streaks, it is a pattern disorder, and in nature it can create beautiful things.'  I read this and pictured all of the Bambi's that die in the ravage of a forest fire just to have fresh trees grow again.  It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me.  I have to do what?

So guess what I did?  I STOPPED!  I went into survival mode.  I did nothing but survive.  I made sure my kids and I, and my mother were taken care of. I would eat, sleep and go to the bathroom.  This is, apparently healthy to do, but only for a short time.  Being exhausted is a good thing.  When you feel so beaten down that you cant sustain normal activities, it is time to surrender.  It is time to stop trying.  I surrendered.  It was at this time of my life that I depended on the Lord to even get out of bed in the mornings.  I will never forget the day I knelt beside my bed and told the Lord, I cannot do this, help me.  I felt him lift me in his arms and carry me, and I let him.  

So many negative emotions happen when you are in this state, fear, anger, sadness.  These feelings are a big red wrong way signs and you MUST back away.  I started surrounding myself with good people, got rid of the poison in my life.  I also went into protective mama bear mode because my children were being attacked for the things their father was doing.  It is amazing how little miracles begin to happen when you turn toward your right life.  I started looking at the miracles right in front of my face.  My eight beautiful children, my tumor was gone (after six weeks of radiation) and I had a healthy baby boy and a wonderful son in law (and two grand kids now).

What I have learned looking back at it is live each day in humble gratitude.  I am so thankful for my life now and especially those who I have in my life right now.  I have tremendous friends, a loving family and a good job.  When I started counting my blessings instead of my trial, eventually my good luck was incredible.  It does not happen over night, but it does happen.  Just keep a prayer in your heart and gratefulness in your life, and this, my friends is how I can help you. 

Keepin it rollin

Wow, I haven't seen you since last year! Amazing how time flies when there is so much to do and time keeps moving. Music has been my inspiration lately.  So I am going to try very hard (and use some of my computer knowledge...or NOT) to enlighten you with what I love.  I love to sing.  I use to could play the piano but it is so true what they say about hiding your talent under a bushel, the light goes out.  That is on my bucket list, (so is going to Ireland).  Oh my next blog should be my bucket list!!!  I will for sure do that.  Anywho!!!  Here is some of my through music. 

Hello!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiC7ZX5K9L4

This song reminds me of Glendale Jr. High.  Me and Melonie Smith danced to this song, in a jungle outfit that was a pillow case.   Oh yes we did!! 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmfKx1WXSFk

This is my all time favorite! This song seen me through many, many nights ~ 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmKvUeIz44w

OHHHH there are many, many days spent listening to my Jam!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oD63-EJW5Y

Listening to this songs reminds me of nursing school.  This song got me through school!
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6oYyG0KcvQ

When my older four kids were just little, me and their dad had a Nissan Maxima with a sun roof, it was all black.  It was our first car together.  Gas was under $1.00.  We would drive and drive with the sunroof open and this song blaring!  WE WERE SO COOL!!!  We were 19.  
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KJte4O-zD4

I have a plethera of music.  I will continue to share as I walk down memory lane.