Saturday, January 12, 2013

Can I help you?

Experience has convinced me that life's patches of hell may actually be purposeful, and in the end, down right empowering. 

I know we have all said things like, 'What is happening to me?' or 'what have I done to deserve this?', (I for one, never say that later, for fear of asking God this question and I do not want God to answer, LOL).  When the road of life turns into a roller coaster, it is time to STOP, throw it in reverse and find another fork in the road. 

Now I am no expert and I feel like I am always in a never ending whirlwind of....what was that?  I know we have all had them, they usually come in three's, but in my case, it is a series of google....LOL.  There was one time not to long ago (maybe 5 years ago) that I was 7 months pregnant, found out I had a tumor on my back, my husband left me, and my oldest daughter decided to get married (she married a wonderful guy, he will be a whole other blog, but a good blog, totally love that guy).  It was like one of those movies when you hear the audience, first cheer, then boo, then cheer, then boo.......(ya... like that). 

Oprah tells us that, 'according to the probability theory, random events can happen in streaks, it is a pattern disorder, and in nature it can create beautiful things.'  I read this and pictured all of the Bambi's that die in the ravage of a forest fire just to have fresh trees grow again.  It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me.  I have to do what?

So guess what I did?  I STOPPED!  I went into survival mode.  I did nothing but survive.  I made sure my kids and I, and my mother were taken care of. I would eat, sleep and go to the bathroom.  This is, apparently healthy to do, but only for a short time.  Being exhausted is a good thing.  When you feel so beaten down that you cant sustain normal activities, it is time to surrender.  It is time to stop trying.  I surrendered.  It was at this time of my life that I depended on the Lord to even get out of bed in the mornings.  I will never forget the day I knelt beside my bed and told the Lord, I cannot do this, help me.  I felt him lift me in his arms and carry me, and I let him.  

So many negative emotions happen when you are in this state, fear, anger, sadness.  These feelings are a big red wrong way signs and you MUST back away.  I started surrounding myself with good people, got rid of the poison in my life.  I also went into protective mama bear mode because my children were being attacked for the things their father was doing.  It is amazing how little miracles begin to happen when you turn toward your right life.  I started looking at the miracles right in front of my face.  My eight beautiful children, my tumor was gone (after six weeks of radiation) and I had a healthy baby boy and a wonderful son in law (and two grand kids now).

What I have learned looking back at it is live each day in humble gratitude.  I am so thankful for my life now and especially those who I have in my life right now.  I have tremendous friends, a loving family and a good job.  When I started counting my blessings instead of my trial, eventually my good luck was incredible.  It does not happen over night, but it does happen.  Just keep a prayer in your heart and gratefulness in your life, and this, my friends is how I can help you. 

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