Tuesday, January 29, 2013
WHAT AM I CHASING?
The last three or so nights I have had this re-occurring dream that I am chasing something. I do not know what it is that I am chasing but bad things happen to me and my kids while I am looking for......who knows!? The second night I had the dream, I was with my kids and I saw something that made me angry (again....have no idea what it was) I just felt the anger. I all the sudden zoomed up on a person (no face) and started punching it (I'm a lover not a fighter so I would never do this in real life) but my arm felt like lead and I could not hit whoever this was hard enough. But I look over and my oldest daughter is knocking people out left and right. (My hero). I woke up in a sweat, very frustrated and somewhat angry. But why? Last night I had the exact same dream with the exact same feelings but instead of hitting someone this time, the person without a face was saying things that hurt my feelings. I woke up very angry, so angry I could not go back to sleep. As I ponder on this dream during the day it does not seem like it is a big deal at all. In fact, it sounds down right stupid. I have learned long ago that, 'I am rubber and you are glue what you say bounces off me and sticks on you.' I have developed a very tough skin (elephant like) to block me from the vindictive talk that destroys peoples souls! The part I do not like about all of this is the fact that I still do not know what I am chasing, I hate the way I feel when I wake up, and I am kind of needing a good nights sleep!!! So I bring in the people who are important to me. The people I have surrounded myself with to hold me up (I bet your arms are tired)! My one friend says I need to drink at night before bed (thanks Lisa)! Sounds great but I do not drink (sometimes I do, but that's another blog). My other friend said, something is holding you back from letting your anger out. How smart are my friends??? THANKS TRACY!. So then she helps me continue to brainstorm...what helps her is to walk her dog. Her mother sews and quilts. Well, the only thing that helps me is writing... SO HERE I AM!!! I am hoping that by writing my dreams, they will quit! I did talk to my friend Lisa about wanting more out of life and maybe this dream is telling me to stop chasing stupid and get on with life (my friends and kids know who/what stupid is). LOL. I do want bigger and better things for me and my kids and that is not stupid so I will continue to chase that for the long run. Going the distance for my children.