Me and my BIG MOUTH!

You think that with my age, wisdom would generally come with that?  NOPE, not ME!  It seems my mouth and mind are becoming a free flowing river as I get older.  I use to care about peoples feelings and stop myself from saying things but now I just say it (and generally suffer the consequence) Sorry in advance to all my friends.  I blame it on my throat chakra and my son giving me a beautiful pendant that is suppose to help me open my throat chakra.  Or maybe it has happened even before that, who knows?  Sometimes I tell myself, don't open your mouth unless you have something to bite down on, but since food is not my friend anymore, all I get is air......

Some examples: 

• Oh, I love to sing Karaoke!  I end up singing for our work Christmas Party (and if you have a video of this, I WILL HURT YOU IF YOU POST IT). 
• YES! I was in drill team!  I end up doing a drill team routine for  a patient!  Now in my defense, I was trying to make my patient happy, and made her laugh hysterically at my expense.  Next time I will use two ears and listen, instead of my one mouth.  LOL. 
• I like my patients to feel at ease and sometimes when I walk in I do not think and say...Relax, I 'm easy.........um!!!!! NOT!!!!  but of course the air is not heavy enough to shut my mouth before it opens. 
• The last example that you can all laugh at me for....is one that I am not proud of and I went redder than red and even to this day, when I think of it, I go RED.  I was getting onto an elevator and the guy asked me if I was going down.  I said, "I love going down".........complete silence.  I did not talk for the rest of the day!!!!!!!!  

The best therapy for helping my open mouth chakra is to hum, sing, chant, and sometimes scream.  So if you see me doing any of these......YOU WILL KNOW WHY!   LOL. 

Dating made easy? Ya Right!

I am slowly getting back into single life, scary as that is to me. There is actually great cause to be scared!  Let’s face it…dating isn’t easy.  I have only been on a few online dating sites and it is down right scary.  Who has the time for all this?  Updating my profile took me days, now I have emails to return, setting up dates, going on dates, and not getting a returned call and so forth.  I have not dated for 27 years, so what do I know??  Absolutely nothing!!!  But...I do know a couple of things: 

MEN: 
When you submit your picture to an online dating site please make sure you;

• 1. Have your shirt on (especially if your are over 40).
• 2. Do not take your picture at Walmart
• 3. Picture should be while you are awake.....and sober. 
• 4. A picture of you and your ex wife or ex girlfriend does not spark any interest (tells me you are not over her)
• 5.There will be more of these I am sure. 

When you email me. PLEASE DO NOT START OFF with, do you want a quickie?  Bad form, bad form!  Call me old fashion but I prefer to save quickies for marriage. LOL! 
The next thing I would ask is please do not try to tell me your sob story.  I am not your psychiatrist, I am not here to feel sorry for you or take care of you. I want to have FUN!

Now I have to be fair and let the women know a thing or two as well.  Again! I am no expert, but I have learned a thing or two....

• 1.  Never, ever cry over a boy!!!!  I mean it! (this was very hard for me, with my ex....but we were together way long).  They aren’t worth it. Sure, there are some jerks out there. Don’t give them your power by allowing yourself to feel bad. My advice? Get mad. Start standing up for yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be treated badly. I believe that we train people how to treat us. If you can work on your assertiveness and confidence, you will find a relationship with someone who respects you. Until then, it will just be the same guy with a different name.
• 2.  Keep things mysterious! This has been fun for me so far.  This is a big one. We all have baggage. Over the course of a relationship, your significant other will learn more about you. Until that point, don’t over share. This is a common mistake women make. Especially when we feel insecure, we tell people way too much about us. Because we share so much about our thoughts and emotions with each other, we tend to do this too much with men in the beginning. I am all for being open and honest in a relationship, but give the relationship a chance to progress before you open up too much. This especially applies to telling a man how you feel about him. If you have been dating for two weeks and think he might be the one, for the love, don’t tell him. Although, if after two weeks you do start fantasizing about marriage and children, we need to talk. Slow yourself down and find a distraction. There is no way you know enough about him that quickly to make a lifelong commitment. If that is where your mind is, you are missing some key data. 
• 3.  Only give 20%:  This sounds harsh, but it is true. The feminists are going to hate me on this one, but I think “I am woman, hear me roar” has done us a disservice in the dating department. Think about it in mathematical terms, if you put in 100% effort, how much is left for him to give? Honestly, when it comes to dating, less is more. The less effort you put in, the more he has to come forward. This becomes diagnostic of how invested he is in you. If he doesn’t come forward, run, do not walk. If he is putting so little effort into your dating relationship, what will happen once he gets comfortable? Make him come to you. 
• 4.  Do not call unless you are returning a call and do not text immediately.  You are busy....important....(this one is from my 21 year old daughter, thanks Ana).  This is the hardest one for me because email and text comes directly to my phone.  It has been fun to sit and think about the text or the email.  Which wraps all the above into one little package of FUN!

Meanwhile, we are not getting any younger....so ladies!!!! It is time to LIVE!

Sit back and say ahhh...

Whatever you are worrying about, or stressing about right now (or worrying about stressing over), put it on the back burner while I try to explain to you about the beauty of now.  Yes life is stressful,  sometimes life is downright horrible but I have learned something lately and that is to find peace in the beauty of being, and the beauty of now. 

I have had a blessed day off work today and as I woke up on my own alarm clock, (with the sun), I heard the most joyous sound....my children laughing.  Somehow, that cheer ran through me, and I realized in that moment that this is it! This is really what it every is! and I will love every moment of it.  There are times when life is dark and gloomy, and even down right scary.  But the moment we have every day is NOW. 

So how do we stop the stressing and focus on the now?  That is a good question that I have to remind myself of daily.  Here are my reminders: 

• Create a saner to do list
• Today go with the flow, do not let the little things bother you.
• Find inner peace by breathing, thinking green ( I do this one alot), flex your feet, relax your face, take a break. 
• Find a nice place to breathe (mine is usually the bathroom) 
• Find the joke in the stress and laugh, laugh, laugh.
• Music, calming, good music. 

Remember when your body is stressed your brain strains, you have memory loss, your stomach gets upset, it is bad for your heart, and (I know this from school) you can even have fertility problems. 

Every day try to exercise your soul.  Sometimes to do this you have to serve others.  It does my soul good to serve others.  It is so hard to find the time to serve (which can sometimes cause stress) but I tell myself that serving can be as simple as smiling and saying hello to someone. 

I have found though that my childrens laughter and having fun with my children is the best thing for me. I have been blessed with so much and I will take every moment I can get! 

Time to laugh!!!  Fun with my kids.  

SOAP BOX TIME!! IGNORANCE!!!!

I sitting in a conference, full of doctors and nurses and this is what I hear........It is a sad day for the white man in America.  The government is giving my hard earned money to minorities and to women!  He was not addressing the group (THANK HEAVENS) he was sitting in front of me, talking to a group of....Women!!!!   Not one of them said anything, feeling the need to act overwhelmed me and I lost all willingness to be nice!  I put in my angry eyes and tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'Excuse me, I could not help but overhear your ignorance.  I think it is a sad day in America when a white man still has such delusional ideas.  You SIR are a bigot, and I pity you, I am embarrassed for you and hope that you never break down in my neighborhood which is predominately women.....and minorities.  We will be the one's offering you a ride, we will be the ones digging you out of the snow.  And SIR, I am a women and I pay taxes....plenty of them!  No man pays my taxes for me. It is me!
.......WAITING FOR APPLAUSE!!!!!  NOPE! I got crickets!!!  The women around me all turned their heads....I got up and walked out.  Sorry my Mormon friends but WHAT THE HELL?????  

As I was leaving one women did get up and follow me.  She explained to me that the reason she did not say anything is because she works with this man.......AND????   It does not make it right? Maybe the reason why this man still is so dumb is because no one has ever taught him otherwise.  When someone is born into wealth, poverty is not taught.  This man fits the typical model of wealth, he probably came from old money so he has never had to make the connections, so he assumes.  Hence the reason why I feels sorry for him.  I can not even begin to think of what driving force has been ingrained into this mans head.  For the wealthy, especially those from old money, decisions are based on tradition and social connections.  They already have security.  I find this sad.  My life have brought character, my life of heartbreak and pain has made me the person I am today.  It made the person who would stand up to the WHITE AMERICAN MAN!    


off my soapbox.....feeling much better.  Thank you,

WHAT AM I CHASING?

The last three or so nights I have had this re-occurring dream that I am chasing something.  I do not know what it is that I am chasing but bad things happen to me and my kids while I am looking for......who knows!?   The second night I had the dream, I was with my kids and I saw something that made me angry (again....have no idea what it was) I just felt the anger.  I all the sudden zoomed up on a person (no face) and started punching it (I'm a lover not a fighter so I would never do this in real life) but my arm felt like lead and I could not hit whoever this was hard enough. But I look over and my oldest daughter is knocking people out left and right.  (My hero).  I woke up in a sweat, very frustrated and somewhat angry.  But why?  Last night I had the exact same dream with the exact same feelings but instead of hitting someone this time, the person without a face was saying things that hurt my feelings.  I woke up very angry, so angry I could not go back to sleep.  As I ponder on this dream during the day it does not seem like it is a big deal at all.  In fact, it sounds down right stupid.  I  have learned long ago that, 'I am rubber and you are glue what you say bounces off me and sticks on you.'  I have developed a very tough skin (elephant like) to block me from the vindictive talk that destroys peoples souls!  The part I do not like about all of this is the fact that I still do not know what I am chasing, I hate the way I feel when I wake up, and I am kind of needing a good nights sleep!!!  So I bring in the people who are important to me.  The people I have surrounded myself with to hold me up (I bet your arms are tired)! My one friend says I need to drink at night before bed (thanks Lisa)! Sounds great but I do not drink (sometimes I do, but that's another blog).  My other friend said, something is holding you back from letting your anger out.  How smart are my friends???  THANKS TRACY!.  So then she helps me continue to brainstorm...what helps her is to walk her dog.  Her mother sews and quilts.  Well, the only thing that helps me is writing... SO HERE I AM!!!  I am hoping that by writing my dreams, they will quit! I did talk to my friend Lisa about wanting more out of life and maybe this dream is telling me to stop chasing stupid and get on with life (my friends and kids know who/what stupid is).  LOL.  I do want bigger and better things for me and my kids and that is not stupid so I will continue to chase that for the long run.  Going the distance for my children. 

Universe, YOU DID IT AGAIN!

I am totally amazed at how the Universe works!.  I learned many years ago that if you just put something out there, into the Universe that amazing results happen.  It may take a while (I am still waiting for my ten million), but it can happen.  The Universe works for me in the way of finding people.  Today marked about the seventh time that this has happened to me.  I will usually attempt to try and find that person, and if I run into a dead end, I will write their name on a piece of paper and put it in my purse.  Every so often, when I see the name, I will think of them again.  

Back when I was 16 and pregnant, I was in a program called Teen Mom.  It was up at the University of Utah, and I have to say that this program was the changing point of my life (so was having a baby at 16).  But these women did not judge me, they just had genuine love and cared for me.  I went back to them again at 18 when I had my second child.  When I had my third and fourth child I seen one of the pediatricians in their own private office until my kids got very old.  It was a very long, wonderful friendship.  I had been thinking of this certain doctor since I graduated college.  I wanted to give back to the Teen Mom program, so I called up there and asked for the doctors in charge. I left my name and number many times to no avail.  No one would ever take me serious enough to call me back.

TODAY........I generally get a ride to work every day by my daughter.  Something I really love because I hate to park and I love the talks we  have together every morning when we are together.  Today, I have a meeting at another hospital so I had to drive.  Even when I got out of bed this morning, I had this urgency to hurry up.  Even though I tried to suppress it, I ended up being ready early.  My other daughter was leaving for school so I told her I would take her (it is 9 degrees outside people....freezing).  Anyway, this is something else that I generally do not do.  I seemed to hit every green light (which never happens).  When I got to work I decided to take the elevator ( I generally take the stairs) but my foot was hurting so I took the elevator.  As soon as I got off the elevator I run into my life long friend!!! The doctor I have been thinking about, who made such an impact in my life! I immediately gave her the biggest hug.....I think she thought she was being mugged.  LOL.  But then she realized who I was and we were able to have the best talk in 25 years! This woman is amazing and I really do think that her example helped paved me into the person I am today (besides my mother).  So driving myself to work, taking my daughter to school, being ready earlier than normal, taking the elevator instead of the stairs, all lead up to this meeting.  Thank you UNIVERSE! You are AMAZING!!!  And thank you, Dr. Kathleen Mcelligot for being such an inspiration to me!

Hello, My name is Roxanne and I'm a momaholic!

The first step is admitting it....right?   When I started having kids at the age of 16 it never occurred to me, that #1 I would have lived this long, and #2 how much fun it would be!  Being so young, I have kind of grown up with my kids.  I had my first four by the time I was 23 and then waited a while and had another four in my 30's.  There is such a difference between how I raised my older four, compared to my young four.  The older four had strict rules, there was never a gray area, it was only black and white, right or wrong! They were so well behaved, took care of their toys and had clean rooms (well.....most of them).  The younger four have been more of a democracy.  We work together to set the rules, they have their input on ideas as pertaining to our home.  There is so many gray areas because I am more relaxed and have learned to pick and choose my battles.  I ask myself, will this matter next week?  If not, I usually them hash it.  Could it be due to the fact that I am older, more tired?  I say yes!  I went through nursing school and worked full time with my older four but always the energy.  Now, I finished college last year, while working full time, and raising these kids (with tons of help from my mom and older kids) but I am more tired now than when I went to school.  Now I only work!!!!  Anyway, I am moving away from my point. 

The point I want to make is even with both sets of kids (older and younger).....I TOTALLY LOVE BEING WITH MY KIDS! I miss them terribly when I am at work and look forward to the end of the day.  Even if we are just hanging out at home (which we have done a lot lately because it has been -0 degrees).  I LOVE MY KIDS! They make me laugh, they make me cry and I am totally addicted to them.  Is that so bad?  Out of all the addictions to have, this one is the safest for sure.  People say I will lose friends, well then, so be it!  If they are truly my friends then they will wait for me.  I have many who will and who help me be the best mom I can be.  I only surround myself with friends like this.  No use wasting time on anything else. As I write this blog I am looking at notes my boys left me.  I have them hanging up at work.  From my 5-year old, You are very sweet, I love you will all my heart, I hope we will never part!! (ADORABLE).  My 11 year old says, I LOVE YOU.  Thank you for everything.  You are an amazing mom.  Just holler when you need a hug (GASP, SOB).  My 8 year old writes, You are the grass and I am the tree because I am growing with you always.  (PRECIOUS). 

My   I coworker today asked who my Valentine is and I have to say....its my kids!   Another coworker says, what is your hobby?  My kids are my hobby.  They always will be.   The best thing about kids is they grow up and give you grand kids! Which by the way is my next confession.  My name is Roxanne and I am a mambaholic!!!!  Thanks for getting me through the roughest part of my life.