WOMB FOR RENT!

Has it really been so long since I have written that I forgot my log in information??? My fellow followers I apologize to all 8 of you! hahahaha. My goal for the new year is to get 9 followers! So tell a friend. Share my blog... WARNING: Some of you might find this post kind of crude but while me and my friend were discussing it, I actually laughed out loud. And I know secretly....you all will too. I have said it before and I will say it again but I have some pretty amazing friends. The friends I have inspire me, they uplift me, AND....they make me snort! On one such occasion I was talking about ways to make extra money. Everyone said, "GO TO SCHOOL" the only way to succeed in life...well...been there, did that...still working at the same job.. Believe me....It is not without trying. According to my resume tracker, I applied for 187 jobs in 2013. Whew...no wonder I am tired. No WONDER I AM IN A FUNK!! Any who...(see how I get off track?) Back to my womb! My friends are very talented, some take pictures, some make beautiful jewelry, some cut hair, some create kitchens (and build them themselves) but me? The only talent I have is making babies! I procreate well. My eggs are cracking and my uterus is as healthy as a 20 year old(or so my midwives tell me). Why don’t I rent out my womb? I would love to bring a child to couples who cannot have a child. What a way to earn extra money right? Well, then I snap back to reality. YOU ARE 43??? Don’t quit your day job? Let’s brainstorm! Other options? Things I have already done (and still do). The last type test I did I typed 123 WPM. I can type! But then I remember my hands fall asleep and they become very painful when I type all the time. Next? Cans, save aluminum cans! We do that already (saving for a San Diego trip). Donate blood? well yes, I do that too. Garage sale? did and will do again. The womb is sounding better and better right? I guess I am resolved to put that gel manicure set I have been wanting on layaway. Thank heavens for K-Mart!

Single Womans Prayer

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, (can I get an amen!) One who's handsome, smart and strong, (yes all three) One who loves to listen long, (without falling asleep) One who thinks before he speaks, (but still has his tongue) One who'll call, not wait for weeks I pray he's gainfully employed, (or has a ton of money) When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. (...and feet) Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind, (and more) Knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me no end, And never attempt to hit on my friend. (I have cute friends) And as I pray beside my bed, Please don's send me the clown that I once had. (he really was a great guy) LOL.

Confidence!

The hardest part in life is one's twenties.  Its a shame because that is when we are the most gorgeous, and physically peak condition. But its actually when we were the most insecure and full of self-doubt. Says who?  I know plenty of 20 year old's (my daughters included) who have not been afraid to hit the ball with boldness.  My daughter wakes up every morning and says to everyone who can hear her, "I'm young as morning and fresh as dew, everybody loves me and so do you!".  Life takes perseverance but when we were twenty the future was endless, full of fascinating possibilities.

When I was in my 20's I was busy having babies.  I had four by the time I was 23. My future was to raise the future.  I was very insecure in my 20's but I had created my own cheering squad; my kids actually charted my course to success.  I grew up with my kids and they have taught me many things; how to swear is among them, but not the one we will talk about today.  They have helped me find my inner light and now I am letting it shine.  I seen myself how my kids seen me....flaws and all...and guess what?? They still love me! 

One of the hardest things for me to learn about confidence is learning to take a compliment.  I have relished in criticism.  When someone would tell me I could not do something, you can bet your bottom dollar that I loved proving them wrong and criticism is easier to take because most of the time, I agreed with them.  But when I do something good and someone takes time to stop and tell me I did a good job, or that my hair looks nice (after not even washing it that day...always happens) then I am going to be fair enough to them to say, "Thank you! that really means so much to me and it means a lot."  

I am going to share some self esteem boosters that I have learned over the years with what I will call my confidence kit: 

• Sit up straight!  Good posture suggests confidence.  We all know this...RIGHT?  No way can we show confidence if we are acting like Eeyore. 
• Smell good. (this includes bathing).  You do not have to bathe in perfume but when I am not feeling myself I will sniff my wrist, the scent gives me confidence.  Anyway, even if I am butt ugly someone will always say...mmmmm you smell good! 
• Nod when you are speaking with people.  To verify....nod in agreement, DO NOT nod asleep.  LOL.  You can even nod in disagreement but it shows you are listening and shows confidence. 
• Do an occasional fist pump! This is fun when done in a group, but when someone does something good at work or at play, a good fist pump gives you the confidence to face the world. 
• Breathe! This can be said about so many things but when we mindfully meditate it will increase our self-acceptance. 
• This last one is my favorite...Strike a pose! Picture yourself with torpedo busts like Wonder Woman, Stick them out and let your cape fly!  It works wonders!  (this can also be used with fist pump for an extra boost). 

My team: (fist pump)  JOB WELL DONE! 

What you know....can kill you!

When does knowing a fact turn into something that "you are not supposed to know?"  Usually when a fact becomes embarrassing or upsetting to the person who also knows that fact.  I know many facts about many people, so I am surprised that they do not treat me nicer cause I could really do some damage. (LOL) But alas, I am a better person so I will just tell you some facts that I know that are more senseless, but nevertheless, if I come up missing YOU WILL KNOW WHY!!! 

ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! Not for the non risk takers. 

Two Atomic Bombs were dropped on North Carolina:  At least it wasn't the moon....right?   I obtain my information from author Russ Kick, from a book called "Things You Are Not Supposed To Know".  Very entertaining read when living on the edge.  Okay, back on subject.  On January 24th, 1961, about half past midnight, A B-52 with two nukes was over the skies of North Carolina exploded killing three crewmen. The bombs were 250 times more powerful than the one dropped on Hiroshima fell to the earth....luckily neither of them exploded BUT.  A half of a bomb is still in the swamps, never been retrieved. 

The U.S. runs a network of at least 20 secret prisons.....and if I told you where they were, I would really be shot!  Just know that they are all over the world. 

NOW on a lighter note: 

Here are some facts that you can know and are good to know so it WON'T kill you.  (can't have my readers having bad dreams now can I?)

We are going to talk about Beer right now... so if you get offended easily I suggest you just skip to the bottom.  I only know these facts because I talk to random people who served ramen noodles at their wedding receptions, the kind who actually know what kind of leaves to use as toilet paper?  You know the kine? (in my pigeon accent).  I am not a beer drinker, never had it, probably never will but these are good things to know to keep your mind off the above. 

Zythology (zith-owl-oh-gee).  The study of beer and beer making, including the role particular ingredients play in the brewing process. 

The first professional brewers were all women. 

HOPS uses in beer are in the same family of flowering plants as marijuana. 

Beer contains almost all of the minerals we need to survive, in fact, it was a staple of many diets during the European Middle Ages. 

A study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that beer raises HDL cholesterol (the good kind). 

BEER PREVENTS KIDNEY STONES!!!  A study published in the American Journal of epidemiology found that beer consumption reduced the risk of kidney stones by 40%.  AND it strengthens your bones by protecting the bone-mineral density of the bone tissue. 

Cenosillicaphobia:  The fear of an empty beer glass. 

Do you feel better now?  Cause I sure do.  I cannot keep a secret..the reason why I was kicked out of the CIA.  LOL.   

Is there really something to say about an itchy palm?

My grandfather always said whenever I itched my palm that money was coming my way.  I would always think to myself, GOOD cause I need some money to buy some lotion for my itchy palm!  My children are Polynesian, my oldest is 26, so needless to say I have been around the Polynesian community for a good many years.  My mother-in-law, (whom I love dearly and wish she were still with me) always had some Tongan way of making things better.  When I was in nursing school in my early 20's I found out that modern medicine is nice but relying on something that has been passed down from generation to generation so much more reliable.  My number four child was born premature and had underdeveloped lungs.  My mother in law would rub Tongan oil on his back every night those first couple of weeks and his oxygen saturation's went up!  He did not have to be on the horrible prednisone for as long as anticipated.  When my kids would have eye infections, she would tell me to squirt breast milk in their eyes, IT WORKED!  (ps...breast milk is good on small scrapes and bruises as well)  Just saying.  

But what are some other things we have heard? 

• I have heard that the reason we say bless you is because we sneeze because the devil is tickling our nose so we will inhale when we sneeze. 
• We are to make a wish on the first Robin of spring, if it flies away before you end your wish will come true. 
• The number 13 is just unlucky.  PERIOD!
• No bruising your hair and looking in the mirror at the same time, it calls out the Lady in the Mirror (ooh scared myself right there). 

All fun and games and I am sure I will remember a bucket load more as soon as I finish writing this.  All fun and joking aside, here are some signs and signals that your body tells you when it is time to go the doctor:  (information below can be found in an Article written by Dr. Mark Williams, dermatology written April 13, 2013 www.healthyyou.gov)

Tongue:  Red and beefy looking , sometimes it is a subtle change but it is noticeable.  It is a sign that your vitamin B12 is low.  Vitamin B12 is essential for carrying oxygen throughout your body, if we do not have oxygen throughout our body it affects our brain.

Yellow:  Hands, elbows, feet. 

The appearance of soft, yellowish bumps (called xanthomas) on your body—particularly on your elbows, knees, hands, and feet—can indicate dangerously high cholesterol levels, which increase your risk for cardiovascular problems including heart disease and stroke. These growths, which are painless and can range from very small to wider than three inches, are actually fat deposits that build up under the skin, often when an excess amount of lipids. 

Also yellow eyes could mean there is something wrong with your liver (if you are not a chronic smoker). Chronic smokers have yellow, teeth, eyes, and nails. 

Black: Neck, armpits and groin

Dark, velvety patches found in your armpits and on your neck and groin are likely acanthosis nigricans.  This slow-developing skin condition, which is more common in overweight and obese adults, can be a sign of type 2 diabetes.  It sends skin cells into overdrive, increasing skin thickness and darkening pigment. 

Brown: skin and nails.

We all know that we need to check for brown or black skin mole but do not forget to look under your nails as well.  2 to 3 percent of melanomas are found under the fingernails. 

Listen to yourselves my fine peeps! Your body knows, you just have to listen! And remember....what ever you say about someones else's children....will happen to yours!  (just another saying I heard growing up). 

 

The joy of understanding men....

Do we ever know what men are really thinking?  I gave up caring, I am having a hard enough time understanding my own thinking to usually worry about this but I was talking with a fellow doctor today (for almost two hours) on this subject and I have been intrigued ( I will not mention his name due to the fact that he told me if I did he would fire me, but he has a full head of hair and he is a guy, that is enough for me).  I am writing it here before I forget what I have learned and hopefully to help someone who really does care to try to understand men.  Women, if you are married this will be a good conversation starter and the other half of women are not married, this will be a good conversation starter.  LOL. 

The doctor who should not be named said the first thing about understanding men, is to quit trying to understand them.  He said women are over sensitive sometimes and men are not.  Men....usually are not thinking to hard about anything at all. 

EXAMPLES: 
When men say, "I love you" and it starts to sound like a robot.  It does not mean that they do not love you.  It just means you love a robot!  hahahahah JK.  If you do happen to get a man who puts emphasise on the words "I love you", then hold him close, and never let him go. 

Men are happy to go shopping but do not expect them to get anything other than what is on the list.  If there is a sale on fingernail polish (my favorite thing) he will not get it for you unless it is on the list.  Too much thinking is involved in this process.  It just wont happen. 

Men like being told that they look good on the way out the door before a dinner party just as much as any woman does—even if they are t-shirt and flip flops.  Men also will need to be told if they smell bad and that they should go do something about it because as our doctor who cannot be mentioned said, "knowing we smell bad doesn't necessarily trigger a need in us not to smell bad." So just tell us to go take a shower and then hide the outfit and say we must've lost it. We'll believe you.

 

The only time you will see a man walking fast is if he notices that another man walks by him very fast.  The doctor who said he cannot be named states that this happens to him frequently in the airport.  He does not know why he does it, he even left his wife behind with all the luggage so he could win a guy that was going to a different gate.  Primal instinct?  He does not know.  He asks that we (as women) just let it go!!!

Take any random afternoon. Men are glaring. Men are frowning. Men have been silent for two hours. It does not mean they have stopped loving you. They are just driving the car or wondering why someone we report to hates us or missing Ziggy Marley in concert, or wondering what I ate for breakfast that morning.  Iit's not about is (women). They love us. And they will not tell us why they are so unhappy-looking just now because they are embarrassed about it, and now that you've asked twice, the truth is they can't remember, and they are not going to admit that, either.  

 

I know some of you women want me to ask this, what is men's secret turn on?    Well I DID NOT ASK THAT!  Get a grip people, I work with this guy!  Ask you own men that question. 

 

Men truly think that being silent helps, this is why....

"Because if we're not talking, we can't say something critical or annoying. We will never understand that being silent can seem critical or annoying. Because we are not talking!"    hhahahahaha I thought that was sooo funny! 

SALVE. remedy?

I am a huge fan of reading magazines.  I like to read for fun.  It took me a good two months after I finished school before I quit taking notes on everything I read (CONFESSION:  I still do take notes.....ARGH!).  I came across an article about SALVE.  I cannot remember if it was Rachael Raye or Oprah but one of those magazines. The reason why I stopped because the headline read Love + Kindness= thinner thighs.  I am like......ya right.....right?  I am going to use ideas from this article.....although I cannot remember exactly how it went.  The article just got my thought process going.  I will add my own thoughts (which is a very scary thing)  LOL.  Enter at your own risk.....

Happy people are as unique and beautiful as snowflakes, while unhappy people are tediously, monotonously, excruciatingly the same.  Which is why I am not a psychologist.  Unhappy people drive ME crazy!  LOL.  Most unhappy people need to learn just one lesson: how to see themselves through the lens of genuine compassion and treat themselves accordingly. So does that make all unhappy?  We are our own hardest critic.  I am not asking us to become narcissists.  I am asking you to give yourself the acceptance, love, and esteem you'd give your best friend. They used the term SALVE: self-acceptance, love, value, esteem. No matter what problem you're facing, from a dreary commute to the end of your marriage, a little SALVE never hurts, and it almost always helps.

 

Shall we try it?  Here is what we have to do!!! 

We all know that being accepted unconditionally feels wonderful, while being hated, rejected, and shamed is devastating.  So WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?  If you won't apply SALVE for your own sake, at least do it for others'. Believing that you're not doing enough, that you need to work harder, often comes from a desire to give more to others: You "sacrifice" yourself out of love. But your nearest and dearest won't feel this love; they'll feel what you feel about yourself. This strange truth seems to have something to do with mirror neurons, brain cells that play a role in our ability to share other people's emotions. It takes the Golden Rule to a whole new level: Feel about yourself what you would have others feel about themselves. Once we have self acceptance, the weight starts coming off, we will get hired for that job we want and people want to be around us.  Learning to apply SALVE aligns you with truth: the truth that heals, the truth that enriches the world, the truth that finally lets you be uniquely, perfectly you.